


Lethal Paw 2

by Sharkinator627



Series: The Lethal Paw Trilogy [2]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Action, Cold War, Crime, East Germany, F/M, Lethal Weapon references, Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29334546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharkinator627/pseuds/Sharkinator627
Summary: One year after busting Shadow Company, Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde are thrown into another crazy case when Nazi gold is found at a drug bust and Nick's old friend Finnick is their only lead. When it turns out to be East German diplomats that are untouchable in the eyes of the law, it takes the ZPD's best outlaw cops to bring them down. Based on the 1989 film Lethal Weapon 2 and cross posted from my fanfiction.net account.
Relationships: Judy Hopps/Nick Wilde
Series: The Lethal Paw Trilogy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2152335
Comments: 11
Kudos: 2





	1. Striking Gold

**Judy’s apartment**

“And that is how you take down a larger mammal,” said Judy as she scissor kicked Nick to the ground, pinning his neck between her legs while she pressed her weight down onto the floor.

“Aunt Judy,” said her seven year old niece Cotton, who was visiting her along with her parents, “that is so cool. But what about Uncle Nick?”

“I’m fine,” grunted Nick, “just as long as your psycho aunt doesn’t squeeze.” 

Judy released Nick from her death grip, then she decided to engage in a little banter.

“Me, psycho,” said Judy playfully, “you’re the same guy that jumped off a building that one time.”

“Don’t hold that over me Carrots,” said Nick, “the building guy lived. Now when you went one on one with that cougar,” he continued, “that time, I was legitimately terrified.” 

“Uncle Nick jumped off a building,” asked Cotton with deep interest.

“They had a mat,” said Nick.

“I couldn’t tell from that angle,” said Judy.

“If you want to talk about crazy, you’re the crazy one,” said Nick, as he began to list all the bizarre and dangerous actions that Judy initiated over the past two years, “tearing through Little Rodentia on foot, flushing yourself down a toilet, stealing a train car…”

“That doesn’t compare to,” Judy tried to interrupt.

“I’m not finished,” said Nick as he kept listing his grievances, “taking out that polar bear dungeon master, chasing after a speeding car on foot, challenging a cougar one on one was the worst. Then you had the audacity to prank me at the award ceremony while the cameras were rolling, and just the other day you tried to make me go to Paw-Mart. Not counting dating me,” said Nick as he caught his breath, “you are still a psycho.” 

“Why does Uncle Nick hate Paw-Mart,” asked Cotton.

“No reason,” they both said in unison, as that story was definitely _not_ appropriate for little ears. Nick was still mad about when he lost his virginity to a methed up cross-dressing dingo. On the brightside, as he reminded himself, he still had Judy to make up for that. 

“Aunt Judy,” said Cotton.

“Yes my little pal,” said Judy.

“Isn’t she full of embarrassing questions,” commented Nick.

“How come you and Uncle Nick didn’t get married yet?” 

Nick’s eyes widened and his stomach dropped. He’s been going steady with Judy for the past year, and considering that she was marked by him, she was definitely a serious girlfriend. But having just got out of the hot seat with I.A. three months ago, he really wasn’t ready for another dramatic change.

“Well, you see Cotton,” said Judy, “Uncle Nick and I, we had to follow some special rules with our job,” she explained, “predators and prey, they date differently. So we have to handle certain things while we do our jobs.”

“Hey, I saved your _life_ when it kicked in at the museum,” said Nick.

“It was under control,” said Judy.

“Didn’t look that way from where I was standing,” said Nick.

“What are you worried about anyways Nick,” asked Judy.

“Carrots,” said Nick, “I love you, but can we please just take a breather after spending nine months trying really hard not to get fired? I need a break!” 

“Are you going to do karate on Uncle Nick again,” asked Cotton.

Judy smirked at Cotton, then she roundhouse kicked Nick into her wall. As Nick stumbled back, trying not to fall over, he pointed at Judy and said to Cotton in a joking manner, “See, crazy.”

“That’s not crazy,” said Judy as she grabbed Nick by his tie, “this is crazy,” she said before she kissed him.

“Eeeww,” said Cotton, “kissing!”

**Hppytown, four hours later**

The badger opened the briefcase that was laid out on the folding table, revealing twelve kilos of cocaine. Nick stood in front of the table, listening in on his earpiece that he smuggled in for his undercover mission. Judy, Clawhouser and McBoot were all listening in on the wire he was wearing, just waiting for Nick to make his move.

In the time since he joined the force, after the Shadow Company incident, Nick’s past criminal history and knowledge, combined with his smooth talking made him a natural for undercover work. For him, this seemed like a typical drug bust.

“Do you wish to try a small sample,” asked the German accented badger, who was wearing a tan suit with a red tie.

“Yeah,” said Nick as he casually glanced to the side, noticing a brown bear in a grey suit carrying an MP40 submachine gun standing over him, “I want to know what I’m buying.”

“Be my guest,” said the badger. 

“Don’t sample too much,” said Judy over the comms, “you need to be able to pass your next drug test.”

Nick knew better than comment on that, as he was certain it would get him killed if he did.

He stuck out his claw as the badger opened the plastic wrap on a brick of coke that he set on the table. Then Nick stuck into the cocaine and took a small taste.

“That’s good,” said Nick.

“I told you he’d like it,” said a stag in a sweater vest enthusiastically.

“How much,” asked the badger.

“I want all of it,” said Nick, “I’d imagine you gents have more than just one lousy briefcase of blow.”

“You can have it all for two fifty,” said the badger.

“That much,” asked Nick.

“You said you wanted it,” said the badger, “that sounds like a fair price.”

“Okay,” said Nick as he reached into his wallet and slapped two hundred and fifty dollars in bills on the table. 

“You jackass,” said the badger, “I meant two-hundred fifty _thousand!_ Can’t you read between the lines?”

“Oh, sorry,” apologized Nick, “I can’t afford that much, not with the measly salary they pay me. But,” he then pulled out his badge and his recently acquired M1911 pistol, “what I will do is take all the blow for free and you assholes can go to jail. It’s called a hustle, sweethearts.”

He then felt the weight of a gun barrel toward the side of his head, sensing the machine gun toting brown bear. “You assholes are surrounded,” said Nick, “so you really don’t want to do that.”

“Kann ich diesen Bastard erschießen,” asked the bear.

“Nein,” replied the badger, “Der Fuchs ist ein Polizist, zu viel Ärger.”

“Ah Scheiße,” said the bear.

“English please,” asked Nick, trying to sound polite.

Just then, Judy drove Nick’s Furd GT through the glass garage door with the light and siren echoing throughout the warehouse.

 _Time for a dramatic arrest,_ thought Nick as Judy swung around the car.

“ZPD,” shouted Judy as she aimed her Glock at the three suspects, “throw down your weapons and surrender, now!” 

“Nein,” barked the bear as he let out a burst from the MP40, firing from the hip in Nick and Judy’s direction.

_Brakabrakabrakabrakabrak!_

_Pop! Pop!_

Nick capped off the bear in the head. Since his last major case, he decided to upgrade his sidearm from the standard Glock that he was first issued to something with more stopping power, as his marksmanship skills were something to be reckoned with. They had him sold when they said it could kill a rhino in one shot. 

“They’re getting away,” said Judy as the suspects climbed into a black Purcedes sedan.

“No they’re not,” said Nick as he climbed into the car, “Let me drive.”

“I was here first,” said Judy.

“But you still suck at driving and this is my goddamn car. I drive.”

_Vroom!_

Judy slammed on the gas, sending Nick back into his seat.

“Too late,” she teased as she sped off after the suspects.

“You sly bunny,” said Nick. “You should have put on your seatbelt, _dumb fox_.”

**Savannah Central**

“We are in pursuit of a black Purcedes sedan with no plates down Mekunga Street,” said Judy into the radio. 

_Thump!_ _  
_“Carrots,” asked Nick as he felt something large go under the car, “what was that?”

“Beats me Nick,” said Judy.

“You fuck up my car and I’ll make you pay,” said Nick.

“How,” asked Judy, knowing there wasn’t a damn thing Nick could do to her in retaliation, neither as her partner or as her boyfriend.

“I’ll sneak meat into your salad or something,” said Nick.

“You wouldn’t dare,” said Judy.

“Fine,” said Nick, “but please for fucks sake, don’t wreck my car!” 

“Die Bullen sind auf unseren Ärschen, wir brauchen jetzt Backup!”

Clawhouser, being the technology wizard he was, managed to tap into the radios that the suspects were using.

“Clawhouser,” said Judy into the radio, “what language is that?”

“Sounds like German,” said Clawhouser, “I think. I’m watching you in the bird so I’ll tell you if anything comes up.”

“You’re the best Benji,” said Judy. 

“Hopps, Wilde,” said another voice on the radio, “did you hear that?”

“Sure thing, Danny,” said Nick, “that’s what those fuckers were speaking when they tried to nail me. How’s the rookie holding up anyways?”

“Oh just fine,” said Danny as his new partner, a liger named Tyler Stripervich, hung onto the dashboard for dear life.

“Officer McBoot,” said Tyler.

“Call me Danny,” said Danny, “when you say Officer McBoot, I’m reminded of my asshat father.”

“Yeah Danny,” said Tyler, “can I throw up?”

“Not in the car, goddamnit,” said Danny, “you need to grow some balls kid.”

“They said at the academy that high speed chases aren’t normal,” said Tyler.

“Nothing’s normal when you involve either Hopps and Wilde or anyone named McBoot,” said Danny, “today’s just you’re _really_ lucky day.”

Another car, a blue SUV swung over in front of Nick’s car.

“We got trouble Nick,” said Judy, “you might need to use your marksmanship skills.”

“Just focus on driving you dumb bimbo,” griped Nick as he readied his pistol.

Judy then bitch slapped Nick and said angrily, “Don’t call me a bimbo.”

“How’bout I call you ‘cute’ instead,” teased Nick.

 _Y_ _ep,_ thought Judy, _this is who I fell for._

A wolf stuck his head out of the back window and trained an AK-47 on the cops.

“Cheese and crackers,” muttered Judy as she ducked.

“Shit,” said Nick.

_Brakabrakabrakabrakabrak!_

The wolf fired his weapon back, nearly taking out a couple cop cars while the two suspect vehicles weaved through traffic.

Nick popped back up, noticing that his windshield was shot out, and fired his pistol at the suspects.

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_

He shot out the rear windshield of the Purcedes, possibly hitting one of the mammals in the back.

 _Now that’s shooting,_ he thought to himself.

“Nick,” said Judy as she switched seats on him without warning, “you drive now. I have an idea.”

“You’re not bailing on me,” said Nick as he saw Judy put her paw on the door latch, “after all we’ve been through together.”

“No silly,” said Judy, “I want you to get alongside one of the cars.”

“That sounds more like my bunny.”

“Nick,” said Danny over the radio as he watched the Furd get alongside the Purcedes, “what the fuck are and Judy doing?”

“What we’re famous for,” replied Nick. 

Judy leapt out of the car and grabbed the side of the vehicle.

Then she climbed her way to the driver’s side window and said, “Excuse me! Can I see your license and registration?”

“Verpiss dich,” said the badger, who then elbowed Judy off the car and onto the road.

“Watch out carrots,” said Nick as he approached her.

“Relax honey,” said Judy, “I can still catch him.” Judy then sprinted after the car with her pistol in hand, just about to make it to the rear bumper. 

“What the hell is Judy doing,” asked Clawhouser as he watched from within the police helicopter above?

“Using her natural talents,” replied Nick.

“Don’t you know all about that,” joked Danny.

“Laugh it up Danny,” said Nick, “but my sex life is still way better than what any of you guys have.”

“What kind of cops are we,” asked Tyler nervously.

“Junior,” said Danny jokingly as he sped up towards the SUV, “so nice of you to rejoin our conversation.”

“We’re the best on the force, kid,” said Nick, “now if y’all will excuse me, I have to rescue a certain bunny again.”

Judy ran after the car, sliding on the pavement as it made a sharp turn to avoid a traffic jam. Then she quickly picked up speed, with Nick just on her tail.

“Carrots,” called out Nick, “this has gone on long enough.”

“I can almost reach him,” said Judy.

“Don’t try it,” said Nick, “I’m not letting you get killed, no matter how badass the way it happens.” 

Just then, the stag pulled out a sawed off shotgun, and fired it directly behind him through the rear of the car.

_Choom!_

Judy leapt out of the way just in time, landing on the grill of Nick’s car.

“Hi honey,” teased Nick as she climbed back up into the vehicle, “welcome back home.”

“Oh shut your mouth and keep driving.” 

“Wo ist der Hubschrauber?” asked the badger over the radio.

“Sie holen uns auf der Brücke ab,” said the driver of the SUV, a leopard seal in a dark grey suit.

“Wait, what the hell,” said Danny as he noticed something odd when they chased the cars up to a fairly large overpass in the center of town, “these motherfuckers are stopping.”

“I don’t know,” said Judy, “but we might as well grab them now.”

The cops all stopped their cars and got out.

“Everyone get down,” shouted Danny as he, Nick, Judy, Tyler along with Wolford and Fangmeyer made their way through the maze of parked cars.

“Stay the fuck down,” shouted Nick as he and the other officers had their pistols ready.

“Guys, you hear something,” said Judy as her left ear, the same one that had the very tip of it shot off that one time.

“I’m picking up another chopper in the area,” said Clawhouser, “it’s not one of ours.”

“Oh shit,” said Nick as he dove for cover, “not this again!”

_Brakabrakabrakabrakabrakabrak!_

Automatic gunfire rung out over their heads as a medium sized helicopter painted in black and gray camo landed on the overpass.

“More bad guys with choppers,” whined Danny, “I don’t want to do this again!”

“Tough shit,” said Nick as he peeked up with his pistol and fired a couple rounds, hitting the wolf that fired the AK-47 from the SUV. Then the rest of the officers on sight fired their weapons at the helicopter, only to be echoed by a few bursts from a leopard seal with an MP40.

“I can’t risk tailing him,” said Clawhouser, “a helicopter crash would be too risky.”

“You did your best Benji,” said Judy, “don’t hold it against yourself.”

“You’ve always been so sweet, Judy,” replied Clawhouser.

“Ahem,” replied Nick, “you do remember that she’s taken, right?”

“How could I forget,” said Clawhouser, “Clawhouser out.”

“C’mon,” said Judy as she, Nick, Danny and Tyler made their way to the abandoned cars, “don’t be so hard on our friends. You know I only have eyes for one guy anyways.”

“That’s just my protective instincts talking,” said Nick, “a lot more subtle than a year ago, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” Judy laughed a little, “I remember that. When you shot Krueger, you were babbling like you were possessed or something.”

“Don’t worry fluff,” said Nick, “it’s contained enough to where unless something _really_ bad happens to you, you’ll never see it again.”

“Hey guys,” said Liz Fangmeyer as she pulled a heavy briefcase out of the Purcedes, “I think I found something.”

“Looks a little heavy to be coke,” said Danny.

“Tell me about it,” said Fangmeyer.

Just then, she dropped the case onto the pavement, only for it to break apart, revealing the contents, which happened to be quite a few gold ingots. 

“Is that what I think that is,” asked Tyler.

“Seems that way, kid,” said Danny.

“Let me see,” said Nick as he and Judy forced their way in front of their fellow officers to get a good look at the gold.

“Can you read the inscription,” asked Jason Wolford.

“I can’t read German,” said Nick, “but I’m pretty sure this is some serious contraband.” He picked up one of the gold bars and showed it off, revealing a swastika engraved onto it.

 _Perps speaking another language not common in Zootopia,_ thought Judy as she assessed the situation, _automatic weapons. A backup car and helicopter. Now Nazi gold? What did we just get ourselves into?_


	2. Pressing Matters

**East Germammal Consulate**

Frederich Weisler sat in his office, behind his old wooden desk, reviewing some paperwork. The fifty seven year old weasel, wearing a simple black and white suit with a crimson tie, had worked for the communist regime since it was established by the Sibearians at the end of WWII, learning to lie, manipulate and betray his way to prominence. 

But while communism preached wealth ‘equality’ all the damn time, most politicians behind the Iron Curtain still liked money.  So he took a job in the regime’s state department, working in the consulate in Zootopia, and once he arrived in the West, he sensed an opportunity. 

His office was a narrow, grey room with a fairly large bullet-proof window that gave him a decent view of Savannah Central, taking up one wall. On the other end was some paintings that were “liberated” by the Red Army back during the war, as well as an aquarium. Behind him was a golden crest installed on the wall, that consisted of a hammer and compass surrounded by wheat grains, the official seal of the Germammal Democratic Republic, the official name of East Germammalny, even though in reality, it was none of those things. 

On the floor in front of him was a plastic painter’s tarp.

_ Knock! Knock! _

“Herein ( _ Come in _ ),” said Wiesler. The door opened, revealing a nervous badger in a tan suit, escorted by a timber wolf in a dark blue suit. 

“Herr Bauer,” said Wiesler to the badger, “Weißt du warum du hier bist? ( _ Do you know why you’re here _ ).” 

“Es tut mir Leid,” apologized Mr. Bauer, “Das Gold tut mir leid ( _ I’m sorry about the gold _ ).” 

“Ich habe dir gesagt, du sollst dich nicht daran festhalten ( _ I told you not to hold onto it _ ),” said Wiesler, “Wenn es irgendwohin gehen würde, wäre es für den Fuchs ( _ that if it was going anywhere, it would be to the fox _ ). Ich habe dich gewarnt ( _ I warned you _ )!”

Weisler nodded to the wolf. “Herr Wolfenstein,” he commanded, in which the wolf grabbed Mr. Bauer by the throat, “Binden Sie das lose Ende zusammen ( _ Tie up the loose end _ ).” Wolfenstein smiled viciously as he pinned Bauer onto the tarp and revealed his claws.

“Bitte,” begged the terrified badger, “töte mich nicht ( _ don’t kill me _ )!” 

“Was du getan hast war so dumm, so vermeidbar ( _ What you did was so stupid, so preventable _ ),” said Wiesler as he watched Bauer squirm, “Du hättest dich genauso gut umbringen können ( _ you might as well have killed yourself _ ). Wolfenstein, Darm ( _ gut _ )!”

Mr. Wolfenstein proceeded to claw right down the middle of the badger, disemboweling his victim alive. Wiesler watched Bauer’s mutilation and subsequent death by blood loss with a cold indifference. If anything, overseeing the torture and execution of other mammals gave him a sick sense of nostalgia, reminding him of his time in the Stasi. Gruesome deaths were nothing new to the weasel.

“Wolfenstein,” said Wiesler as the wolf stood back up, “Stellen Sie sicher, dass niemand findet, was von diesem Dachs übrig ist ( _ Make sure nobody finds what's left of that badger _ ).” Wolfenstein nodded and wrapped up his gruesome handiwork in the tarp and carried it out of the office.

Then, after Mr. Wolfenstein left, Wiesler made a phone call to another one of his employees, “Spotzen, Die Polizei kommt uns möglicherweise zu nahe ( _ the police may be getting too close to us _ ).” 

“Was muss ich tun? ( _ What do I need to make happen _ ),” asked the other voice. 

“Finde Finnick und stelle sicher, dass er nicht mit seinem alten Kumpel bei der Polizei spricht ( _ Find Finnick, make sure he doesn’t talk to his old buddy on the police force _ ),” ordered Wiesler, “Wenn unser Geld kompromittiert wird, sind wir fertig ( _ If our money is compromised, we are finished _ ).” 

“Jawohl ( _ Yes sir _ ),” said Spotzen.

**ZPD Precinct One**

“Why again did I have to start with one of the really crazy cases,” asked Tyler as he and Danny walked up to Nick’s cubicle. 

“Beginner’s luck, I guess,” said Danny, “let’s see what our pal Nick has to say about the gold.” 

It was now late at night, with the building mostly deserted, with the exception of the handful of night shift officers ready to start their day, along with Chief Bogo and Nick Wilde’s task force that had been involved in that evening’s incident.

Nick sat at his desk, studying the ingot with great interest. Both during his gangbanger days and his hustler days, he has handled contraband of every kind. But this had him stumped. He had handled actual gold before, when he was conning Mr. Big a few times, so he knew how to identify the stuff. He even poured some nail polish remover on the bar, with the intent to tarnish it. Since that didn’t work, he knew it was real. That wasn’t the weird part. The weird part was where it came from and why it was in the hands of drug dealers.

“Anything on the fool's gold,” asked Danny as he and his young partner towered over Nick. 

“This isn’t fool’s gold,” replied Nick, “it’s the real shit.” 

“I can believe that,” said Danny, “but that doesn’t explain all the Nazi crap scribbled onto it.” 

“I’m still working on that part,” said Nick, “but gold is nearly impossible to trace. That’s why criminals like it so much.” 

“How would you know what criminals like,” asked Tyler. 

“Ever heard of method acting,” replied Nick dryly.

Elsewhere, in the breakroom to be exact, Judy decided to open up to her old friend, Benjamin Clawhouser, on some personal issues. 

“I want a ring,” said Judy as she paced the floor, “what can I say?” 

“Maybe there’s a reason Nick didn’t propose yet,” said the fat cheetah, “after all, you two where under investigation by I.A. for a decent amount of time. Combine that with the absolutely outrageous things that happened today, maybe the stress is just getting to him.” 

“Maybe you’re right,” said Judy, “maybe I am blowing this out of proportion. But let me tell you about my boyfriend…” 

“I know,” said Benji, “scumbag with a heart of gold. Not Nazi gold, but you get the point. You two fell hopelessly and desperately in love, he’s good with kits, you want the whole picture down to the white picket fence and the douchey homeowner’s associations. Plus,” added Benji, “you really like having sex with him.” 

“It’s not about sex,” said Judy defensively, “I give it to him pretty much whenever he asks nicely and I’m available. He says I’m a love machine and I like him as my personal beast!” 

“You really need to lighten up to get a guy like Nick to go along with your plans,” said Benji, “that’s just who he is.” 

“I’m not wound up,” said Judy. 

“You still have the mark,” said Benji. Judy felt the tone in the room drop instantly, remembering just how serious of an affair that night was. “I haven’t used mine yet,” said Benji, “because it’s that sacred. The only reason why he would do that to you was if he really loved you. You are the most important thing he has in this life,” continued Benji, “he wouldn’t, he couldn’t even try to throw that away. His mind and his hormones won’t allow it. He is stuck with you.” 

“But what if he ends up falling for someone else,” said Judy nervously, “I don’t want to be left in the dust, especially not after being marked.” 

“He can’t,” said Benji, “it’s impossible. Do you remember the jumper from a year ago?” 

“Unfortunately,” groaned Judy, “yes.” 

“Suppose you went and broke his heart,” said Benji. 

“But I don’t want to leave him,” interrupted Judy. 

“That’s beside the point,” said Benji, “the point is, if you hypothetically left Nick after all you’ve been through with him, that could be him.” 

“Anyhow,” said Benji, jumping back to his usual, bouncy self, “if you want Nick to take the initiative, make yourself more fun.” 

“How,” asked Judy. 

“You know what he likes,” said Benji, “spend some time entertaining him just for the heck of it, then watch what happens after a few times. Good luck!”

**Happytown**

Finnick O’Neal sat in his workshop inside an abandoned factory in Happytown, the old predator ghetto from Zootopia’s bad old days. He felt happy for his old partner, Nick Wilde, getting the new job, fresh start, and from what he heard, his perfect girlfriend. But at the same time, he was bitter that his partner left their profitable pawpsicle business in the dust. The scam didn’t accomplish shit without Nick playing his role and Finnick just couldn’t find the right partner. That led to doing odd jobs for Zootopia’s less savory mammals.

For the last few months, after he got a hold of some old metal working equipment, he met some mammals from somewhere in Europe, he couldn’t remember where. They brought him a briefcase full of gold bars and offered him a million dollars to smelt it down and send it back to them as blank coins. He accepted the offer before he had a chance to really look into what he was doing.

“I still can’t believe I’m laundering Nazi gold,” said Finnick to himself as he examined his work, a duffle bag filled with blank gold coins that he made himself, “and I almost envy Nick for not having to have this on his conscious.”

_ Creak! _

Finnick’s gargantuan ears picked up the sound of a door opening, and he wasn’t expecting his employers, or anyone else, to be there that night. “Who’s there,” he called out nervously. 

“Good evening, Finnick,” said a german accented voice. Finnick turned around and saw a leopard seal in a gray suit towering over him, carrying a suppressed pistol. 

“Hey Mr. Spotzen,” greeted Finnick, as he nervously observed the gun, “I wasn’t expecting you. I was just wrapping it up for the night.” 

“You have a friend in the  _ Polizei _ ,” said the seal, “do you not?” 

“Yes,” said Finnick nervously, “I suppose I do,” then he tried to explain, “but I haven’t talked to him in almost a year. He’s been too busy for me ever since he was flipped by that bunny.” 

“Danke,” said the seal, “for your honesty.” 

“What do I have to lie about,” said Finnick, “I don’t even know anything.” 

“And you never will,” said the seal as he aimed the pistol, “nothing personal, it’s just business.” 

_ Pow! _

Finnick jumped out of the way of the bullet at incredible speed. Then he took off from the factory. The seal chased after him, cursing in german as he kept firing the pistol.

_ Gotta find Nick, _ thought Finnick as he scurried off into the night,  _ I gotta find him before these guys find me. He’s the only mammal I know that can protect me. _


	3. Finnick

**Nick’s apartment**

Nick drooled on his pillow as he dozed off, wearing nothing but a pair of red and white boxers. He had a long day yesterday, so when he got home, he was out like a light. He enjoyed seeing Judy’s family, including her little niece Cotton, as she was very eager to see both Judy and him.

But after the family visit was over, there was the car chase that left his brain spinning. Nothing about it made sense, as most drug dealers did not have that kind of hardware, let alone Nazi gold to pay for it.

But that became an afterthought as he dreamed about his partner/girlfriend. All he had time for was happy thoughts.

_Click!_

“Good morning Zootopia,” said a voice on the radio, “I’m Chet Buckley and this is Zootopia’s number one rock ‘n roll station.”

“Jesus,” groaned Nick as he cracked his eyes open, “morning already?”

“That’s right,” said the DJ, “it’s now 5 'o'clock Zootopian time, which is when all our early birds wake up. Now for those of you on the roads last night, you may have seen a certain rabbit and bunny team involved in one massive clusterfuck on the road.”

 _He’s talking about me, isn’t he,_ thought Nick.

“First that crazy predator shit, then busting up some army guys selling dope. If Nick Wilde or Judy Hopps is listening, no, those drugs aren’t mine.” Nick couldn’t help but laugh at that as he crawled out of bed. 

“Anyhow,” said the DJ, “for all our fans on the ZPD, MDF or any other military or law enforcement, shout to you assholes, saving us when we’re being dumbasses. Here’s a fan favorite amongst that crowd.”

(Paradise City, by Guns ‘N Roses)

“Yeah,” said Nick as he got dressed listening to the music, “that’s more like it.” He began to sing along under his breath as he got ready, even stopping to do an air guitar in the shower, not giving a single fuck in the world at that time.

“Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty! Take! Me! Home, yeah!”

Nick just kept singing along, enjoying this part of his morning routine. One of the best parts about not being married at the time, Judy hated rock so his mornings wouldn’t be the same.

On the downside, well he thought enough about that lately.

_Knock! Knock!_

“Good morning carrots,” called out Nick over the music as he threw on a pair of pants, getting out of the shower, “what brings you here so early?”

The door opened up, revealing Judy in her uniform, which she always managed to get on in a frighteningly short amount of time.

“Good morning slick,” said Judy as she stood like she was hiding something behind her back, “I’m glad to see you in a good mood.”

“What’s behind your back,” asked Nick as he put on a white undershirt. 

Judy scooted out of the way, revealing a small fennec fox in a black t-shirt and jeans. “I thought I recognized this little fella when I saw him sleeping in front of your door,” said Judy, “isn’t he just adorable.”

“Goddamnit Judy,” groaned Finnick, “that was an eternity ago.” 

“Finnick,” said Nick cheerfully, “long time no see! What brings the little kit back to his daddy?”

Finnick rolled his eyes and said, “I need your help.”

“I don’t do that anymore,” said Nick as he buttoned his shirt.

“Yeah, about that,” said Judy, “Nick sorta promised me he wouldn’t go dirty, _ever_.” 

“It’s not like that,” said Finnick, “some mammals that I’ve been working for for the past few months are trying to kill me.”

“Now why would someone want to do that,” asked Nick, “charge too much for a popsicle?”

“I highly doubt that a sensible mammal would kill him over an expensive frozen treat,” said Judy.

“You don’t know the ghetto,” said Nick.

“Can you two just take me to the station already,” said Finnick, “I don’t want to be left in the hallway much longer.”

**ZPD Precinct One**

“Good morning WildeHopps,” greeted Clawhouser, “as that’s what most of the squad is calling you now…” he paused, then took a look at their companion,

“OMGeee! Who’s your little friend? He’s so adorable!”

“Save it you fat fuck,” said Finnick angrily.

“Aw, he’s even cuter with an attitude,” said Clawhouser.

“Uh, Benji,” said Judy, “what did I tell you about the ‘c-word’?”

“Right,” sighed Clawhouser, “it degrades your mammalhood when I say it,” he continued, “but you bunnies can say ‘what’s up my cutey’ all you want.” 

“Who is this little guy anyways?”

“I’m thirty-six,” gripped Finnick.

“Uh, Finnick here is an old friend of mine,” explained Nick, “back during my scumbag days. But he’s really cool once you get to know him.”

“Oh yeah,” realized Judy, “you’re little toot-toot! You were so adorable! What are you doing with us anyways?”

“Yeah Finnick,” said Nick, “what have you been up to lately?” 

“Can we talk about it later,” asked Finnick, “because I’m pretty sure you all have a job to do.”

“Okay Finnick,” said Judy, “but you stay right here with Clawhouser,” she then turned her attention to Clawhouser, “don’t let him out of your sight, please.”

“Oh I don’t plan on it,” he said as he picked up Finnick. 

“What the fuck is he doing,” asked Finnick.

“It’s Benji being Benji,” said Nick, “maybe once mommy and daddy get back, you’ll be able to tell us what you’re running from.”

“So cute,” said Clawhouser as he cuddled Finnick.

“Nick,” shoute Finnick as Nick and Judy left for the bullpen, “Nick, you sick son of a bitch! Judy! Judy! Come save me please!”

“Ah Clawhouser,” said Nick as he and Judy sat in the bullpen, awaiting Bogo, “so soft and innocent that it hurts! Maybe ZIS should hire _him_ to do enhanced interrogation. Speaking of which,” he turned to he partner, “I always loved it when you played hardball. SO cu-oof!”

Judy elbowed Nick in the stomach before he could finish that sentence.

“At least it’s a good thing he hasn’t mentioned the scent marking yet,” said Nick as he recomposed himself, “because that would make today a little too awkward.” 

“Why,” asked Judy flirtingly, “ashamed that you are in a serious romantic relationship with a bunny?”

“Not at all,” said Nick, “I love what we got going on. But it’s just that since we’re at a crossroad right now, it’s not a good time for stupid questions.”

“These are not stupid questions,” said Judy, “you and I are a very real item. Clawhouser is even making t-shirts.”

“That’s one of the reasons,” said Nick, “among other things.”

“What other things,” said Judy, “besides your awful music taste and filthy mind?”

“I.A. breathing down my neck was a lot,” said Nick, “and right now, I just want to enjoy where we currently are.”

“Okay,” said Judy, who then thought about what Clawhouser told her last night, “so maybe you just want to have a little more fun before anything serious.” 

_Wham!_

Chief Bogo barged into the room, jerking the door open with his incredible strength.

The room echoed with a chorus of grunting, typical behavior, until Bogo slammed down his fist and told everyone to shut up. 

“Good morning officers,” said Bogo, “it is time to start our day. I’m supposed to read some announcements first but you know what, I don’t give a fuck. Look it up on our bulletin.”

“You’re an inspiration to us all Chief,” cracked Nick.

“Officer Wilde,” snapped Bogo, “what did I tell you about interrupting me?”

“Some lecture on etiquette and manners, but I don’t give a fuck,” said Nick.

“If you weren’t instrumental to the Shadow Company case I’d have fired your ass by now,” said Bogo, who then read down his file,

“next order of business, last night’s events. The new mayor, Mr. Wayne is riding my tail over property destruction and potential endangerment of civilians, so all officers in my precinct will be going through retraining on arrest protocol and civil safety standards.”

“That’s bullshit,” said Danny, “we weren’t expecting automatic weapons and fucking helicopters!”

“Officer McBoot,” said Bogo, “if you think I’m gonna let you become an outlaw cop like your father was, enforcing his own idea of the law, then you’re dead wrong. So sit your kangaroo ass down and listen.”

“What do you think of the new mayor anyways,” whispered Judy to Nick as Bogo continued his profanity fueled rant about respecting the chain of command.

Even though Leodore Lionheart was exonerated for his offenses, his political career was essentially over.

So in what had been the messiest election year in nearly a century, Zootopia wound up electing it’s first bat mayor, a local trading mogul from a wealthy family named Bruce Wayne.

In spite of the racial unrest driving the election, Mayor Wayne ironically enough condemned identity politics and showed off his wealth blatantly during his campaign, basing his platform on mainly public safety and the economy, especially after the surge in drug use and the violent death of Detective George McBoot, whom Nick and Judy knew as Mack.

“This Wayne guy is gonna be a hardass,” said Nick, “plain and simple. I think he’s either gonna really love us or hate us.”

“Why’s that,” asked Judy, “because you think I’m crazy, which for the record I’m not. I’m just really passionate about being a cop and a little gung ho.”

“I don’t know,” said Nick, “you really seemed to be in the ‘heat’ of the moment last night.”

“You filthy fox,” said Judy.

“You crazy bunny,” said Nick.

“As for today’s schedule,” said Bogo after he finally took a breath, “I need Hopps and Wilde to report to my office immediately. The rest of you, come up and grab your assignments.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Alright Wilde,” said Bogo, “I want to know why I caught Clawhouser cuddling a fennec fox that was angrily demanding your presence.”

“Well someone had to watch him,” said Nick, “and leaving him with Benji was her idea.” He pointed at Judy, who’s ears turned red in embarrassment.

“Hopps,” said Bogo, “tell me who that fox is.”

“His name is Finnick O’Neal, an old buddy of my partner’s,” answered Judy, “and I found him cowering in front of Nick’s door this morning.”

“Thank you for your candor,” said Bogo, “you two are being put on modified assignment. Protection duty.”

“By my stars and garters,” barked Judy, “you can’t just pull us off a major case over something like this! I thought you respected us? How many times do I have to prove myself to you?” 

“Don’t take it personal,” said Bogo, “you and Wilde could use this.”

“Chief,” said Nick as he raised his paw like a schoolkid.

“Do you have anything to add, Wilde?”

“I know he’s my friend,” said Nick, “but this is a shit assignment. Finnick can watch his own ass. He probably just got into a bar fight or something stupid last night.”

“Doubtful,” said Bogo, “he’s been observed doing some back alley freelance lately. I think he’s a witness to something.”

“But Bogo, we’re not…”

“Just take your friend and go, damnit,” barked Bogo.

“See you in the car, carrots,” groaned Nick as he walked out.

“Bogo,” said a droopy-eared Judy, “I’m sorry about my partner.”

“I choose to suffer a nine month headache just to try to keep you two on the force,” said Bogo in a much calmer voice, “and being in my position requires being able to take mammals like him. I’m not trying to get back at either of you for anything,” he took a breath,

“Now I’ll ask you again, what’s bothering you Hopps?”

**Savannah Central**

“We can get him to my place much safer if we go through the drive through,” said Nick as he pulled up the cruiser to a Bug-Burger joint.

“Sounds fair enough,” mumbled Judy.

“Can we just go in,” asked Finnick.

“No,” said Judy, “we’re supposed to be protecting you.”

“I don’t think that these guys would be eating here,” said Finnick, “besides, I’d be a lot safer if you gave me a gun.”

“No,” said Nick and Judy in unison.

_Sniff! Sniff!_

“What’s the matter Finnick,” asked Judy, “is your nose stuffed up?”

“Why do you smell like Nick,” asked Finnick, “did he seriously mark you? Hehehe,” he began to laugh, “that’d be one dumbass thing to do.”

“We’re not here to talk about that,” said Judy as she tried to dodge the question, “we’re more interested in who’s trying to kill you.”

“Don’t blow me off cottontail,” said Finnick, “and by the way, did you blow him?” 

“Shut up,” said Nick.

“That answers that question,” said Finnick, “but by the way, what’s it like to fuck a bunny?”

“Shut up,” they both barked in unison.

“Damn Nick,” said Finnick, “you’ve become such a dickweed since you went straight.”

Nick pulled up to order, with him getting a cricket burger, Judy a salad and Finnick a scorpion sub. Then as they pulled out, all three mammals noticed something wrong with their orders.

“Why is there mealworms in my salad,” asked Judy.

“You try getting mustard all over your damn burger,” said Nick, “I fucking hate mustard. And I don’t think this is cricket meat anyways.”

“You think you have it bad,” said Finnick, “in what world is scorpion the same as centipede? Want to know why I’m so adamant about going to the counter? I’ll tell you why.”

 _Please have mercy on my ears,_ thought Judy as she sensed a very long and idiotic rant.

“They fuck you in the drive through,” said Finnick.

“No shit,” added Nick, “I know. They half-ass your order all the fucking time!”

“And then you’re miles away before you realized you got fucked,” said Finnick, “they know you aren’t gonna come back. They know you got fucked.”

“Since when does a lowly paid teenager care if you get fucked,” asked Nick rhetorically, “I mean, I know fast food work is like getting fucked on a whole other level, but they’re probably laughing their asses off in there knowing we got fucked!”

 _What did I do to deserve this,_ thought Judy, whose ears were drooping so low that she was using them to cover her face, _I’m just begging him to propose to me and he’s still like this with his friends._

“And then there’s credit cards,” said Finnick, “that’s a whole other level of fuckery!”

“I never used them,” said Nick, “I get it. Those smiling motherfuckers talk and talk about rewards and bullshit, tricking you into spending money you don’t have, and then you get fucked. They just keep you trapped on their fucking money trying their fucking hardest to keep you from paying it off. They really like to fuck you over. The banks just want you to be their bitch. They fuck you with credit cards!”

“Shut up,” barked Judy, “my poor ears have had enough of your stupid, profanity fueled rants over nonsense. Now quiet the fuck down!”

Nick looked at Judy, noticing her _very_ visible displeasure, and tried to talk to her.

“Carrots,” asked Nick softly.

“Don’t carrots me Wilde,” barked Judy.

“Sorry about that,” said Nick, “it’s just that I haven’t seen my friend in awhile. We were just catching up.”

“Nick,” said Judy, “there’s catching up, then there’s whatever that was. We’ll talk about this later.”

**Nick’s apartment**

“Your partner is one hot bunny,” said Finnick as he and Nick sat on Nick’s couch watching tv, “I can’t say I blame you for wanting to fuck her.”

“Let’s watch our language right now Finnick,” said Nick, “her ears can pick that up way too easily.”

“I guess now I almost feel bad for her,” said Finnick, “she seems like the pure type. Where’s she from again?”

“Bunny Burrow,” replied Nick.

“Oh,” said Finnick coyly, “a country girl. Bet it’s a nice change of pace dating a mammal that isn’t her cousin.”

“I heard that,” said Judy from the other room.

“Sorry babe,” said Nick. 

_Knock! Knock!_

“Who is it,” asked Nick. 

_Crash!_

A skunk in a dark suit and a ski mask kicked down the door and aimed a suppressed pistol. Nick shielded Finnick and drew his .45.

Judy burst out of the other room with her pistol drawn, with her powerful ears and incredible speed allowing her to instantly pick up on the intruder.

“Drop the weapon,” commanded Judy. The skunk ignored her and fired into the wall.

“That fox is mine,” said the skunk in a german accent, “and I’ll kill…” 

_Blam! Blam! Blam!_

Nick and Judy shot down the skunk in the doorway, alerting the rest of the building. Then, as other mammals gathered toward the apartment and as Nick addressed the crowd, Judy escorted Finnick into the bathroom. 

“Alright Finnick,” said Judy, “I want you to tell me what it was you saw. Was it a murder or something?”

“No, no,” said Finnick, “not anything like that.”

“Did you con the wrong mammal,” asked Judy, “because I know that some criminals are very vengeful and have some serious hardware to pull it off.”

“No, I didn’t rob anyone,” said Finnick, who then realized why he was being hunted, “I just laundered gold for some drug dealers.” 

_Gold,_ thought Judy, _gold? Please tell me that it’s not like what we found last night._

“Some european guys offered me a million dollars to smelt down these gold bars with a bunch of Nazi shit enscribed onto it,” said Finnick, “I didn’t take any of it from them. I just did what they paid me. I must have been some sort of loose end or something.”

“Did you say ‘Nazi gold’,” asked Judy in bewilderment.


	4. Wetwork

**City Hall**

Chief Zachary Bogo hated politicians. Having been on the force for twenty years now, he had seen more than his fair share of poor policies enacted on his department for the sake of image or misguided idealism. The last two mayors being corrupt did not help matters either. 

Bogo could only hope as he entered the lavishly decorated office of the new mayor that this Bruce Wayne guy would be less insufferable than the last four or five mayors he served under. 

The mayor, Zootopia’s first bat mayor, hung upside-down over his desk on a gold crested perch, wearing a rather nice suit and a pair of sunglasses.

“Chief Zachary Bogo,” greeted Mr. Wayne, “I hope I did not call you at a bad time. How’s the family?” 

“My youngest is about to take his SAT,” replied Bogo, “and I still need to find an anniversary gift for the wife. How’s life at the shit farm?” 

“Bogo, Bogo,” said Mr. Wayne, “I thought after all that you and some of your best officers have been through, Vietpaw, the mob wars, Bellwether’s little shitshow and Shadow Company, that you’d know better than to obsess over trivial matters like species.” 

“What makes you want my presence,” asked Bogo, sensing that something was up. 

“I am well aware of the events that took place in the heart of my city last night,” said Mr. Wayne, “I’m looking at expensive property damage, a dead suspect that has yet to be identified, live weapons fired in the presence of civilians and goddamn Nazi gold found at the crime scene after the suspects escaped via helicopter. I am not happy at all.”

“What do you suppose I do about this,” replied Bogo, “tell my officers to let criminals escape, especially the ones that are armed and selling poison?” 

“Not hardly,” said Mr. Wayne, “I ran on a platform of public safety. But I have noticed that two of your officers have quite the track record for their short time.” 

“Hopps and Wilde,” asked Bogo, “they’re two of my bravest officers. They ended both the largest conspiracy and the largest drug ring in this city’s history essentially by themselves. I can’t just fire them!” 

“Yes you can,” said Mr. Wayne, “but I’m not asking you to do that, not yet anyways.” 

“Then what the hell do you want?”

“I do not want to see another massive, destructive chase on the evening news,” said Mr. Wayne, “especially not anything that endangers the public or destroys property. I want you to get Hopps and Wilde under control.” 

“They already answer to me,” said Bogo, trying to defend them. 

“And you answer to me,” snapped Mr. Wayne.

“I’ve heard many things about those kids,” continued Mr. Wayne, “it seems that Miss Hopps got her very first case by challenging you directly. She then solved it by nearly starting a fucking race war.” 

“But she solved the crisis,” said Bogo. 

“After she quit the force and went on a rogue investigation,” replied Mr. Wayne, “which I believe rubbed off on her partner when a wanted war criminal could only be identified by dental records six months later.” 

“We lost one of our best officers on that case,” said Bogo.

“But wait, there’s more,” said Mr. Wayne, “collectively, those two are known around the precinct as WildeHopps. Can you tell me why?” 

“I couldn’t afford to lose them,” said Bogo. 

“The fuck you can’t,” said Mr. Wayne, “Wilde, don’t get me started on that piece of work, is romantically involved with his partner. Since when was that acceptable?” 

“Nine months of Internal Affairs investigation says so.”

“That’s a load of guano,” said Mr. Wayne, “this all looks really bad on your resume. You know what,” he continued, “I’ll tell you what I learned about ZPD’s first fox, and it disturbed me.” 

“He’s been exonerated and his juvy records are sealed,” said Bogo. 

“Then you still need to hear this,” said Mr. Wayne, “Age thirteen, arrested for shoplifting, charges dismissed. He also was arrested for truancy a couple times that year but never charged. Age fourteen, criminal possession of a weapon, suspected drug dealer among other things. 

Age fifteen,” said Mr. Wayne as he paused to soak it in, “you’re really gonna like this one. Grand theft auto, incarcerated for four months. The day after he got out, he pulled a gun on a shop owner, a one Mr. Emmit Otterton. Attempted suicide later that night. And that was when he was still a minor.”

“Wilde is one of the most intelligent and dedicated officers on the force,” defended Bogo. 

“Didn’t seem that way when he jumped off a building that one time,” said Mr. Wayne, “or when Hopps challenged a cougar that was a trained killer to a duel. I have been mayor for merely two weeks and these outlaw cops have caused extensive damage on their first week as partners. 

The time for outlaws is over. Get them under control or I will personally hang your hide over my fireplace.”

**Rainforest District**

“I didn’t know that there was a marina in this area,” said Judy as she drove the cruiser alongside the various canals that ran through the Rainforest District. 

“There’s a lot you still don’t know Carrots,” said Nick as he eyed all of the fishing boats and fancy yachts,  “all of the canals that were built here, originally for drainage, turned out to be the perfect place for mammals to park their boats so the could fish in the bay. 

But you don’t really notice these things in the two high speed foot pursuits we’ve been in here.”

“So where is this place anyways,” asked Judy to Finnick. 

“Oh yeah, the yacht,” said Finnick, “so yeah, that’s where they took me in for an interview of sorts. 

The guy there was a wolf that looked like some sort of psychopath and his name was,” he tried to think of it, 

“Wolfgang? Wolfenburg? Wolfenstein? Yeah! Wolfenstein!” 

“What about the name of the boat,” asked Nick. 

“It sounded like a female’s name of some sort…”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” commented Nick. 

“It was Eva Braun,” Finnick tried to list the name possibilities, 

“no. Aryan Bauer, no. Elba Idris.” 

“Now you’re just making stuff up,” said Judy. 

“Alba Varden,” said Finnick, “that’s it! It’s this fancy blue and white boat called the Alba Varden.” 

“Congratulations,” said Nick, “we now sorta know what we’re doing.” 

“Does it look like that one,” asked Judy as she pointed to the blue and white superyacht docked just around the corner. 

“Hot damn,” said Finnick, “there’s the fuckin’ boat.” 

“That’s not a boat,” said Nick, “that’s a motherfuckin’ yacht.” 

“No naughty words, damnit,” snapped Judy, not in the mood for another profanity fueled joint rant about the annoyances of modern life.

Judy pulled up the cruiser and she and Nick prepared to disembark. 

“Hey,” said Finnick, “can I get a gun?” 

“No,” said Nick and Judy in unison. 

“But you can’t just leave me here alone,” said Finnick, “defenseless in these guy’s backyard.” 

“It’s not their backyard,” said Judy, “this is a public dock. It’s everyone’s backyard.” 

“Don’t leave me here,” begged Finnick. 

“You are not going on the boat,” said Judy. 

“Yacht,” corrected Nick. 

“Don’t correct me,” said Judy to Nick. 

“But I like correcting you,” said Nick, “and besides, sometimes you’re cute when you’re mad.” 

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” said Judy as she opened her door, 

then turned to Finnick, “stay in the car.” 

“Yes mom,” said Finnick sarcastically.

Nick and Judy snuck onto the dock with their pistols out, trying to get a good look on board. 

“You smell anything Nick,” asked Judy. 

“Yeah,” replied Nick as he looked through the window and saw a stag and a pig handling a white powder of some sort, “it smells like snow in the jungle.” 

“Good,” said Judy, “because I can almost hear them talk about it. How am I supposed to get on?” 

Nick looked at Judy then remembered something. Not only was she physically attractive for her kind, but she could also swim.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ I can’t believe I let Nick talk me into this,  _ she thought as she swam through the canal towards the stern deck of the yacht, wearing absolutely nothing but her waterproof baby-blue lingerie. 

_ If one of those scumbags touches me in the wrong place,  _ she thought as she surfaced and climbed up,  _ so help me, I will kill every single one of them, then Nick.  _

She climbed up, remembering the plan. Do the old pretty girl in a bikini trick to distract them long enough for Nick to sneak on board. 

As she climbed onto the deck, she waved her ears around for good measure, then rubbed herself dry in a suggestive way, all while wearing the best fake smile she’s ever pulled off.

“Hello boys,” she greeted the four mammals flirtingly, including the stag that pulled a shotgun on her last night and the leopard seal driving the second car, a pig wearing glasses and a brown suit and a beaver wearing no suit jacket, 

“I was just out for a morning swim.” 

She fiddled with her bra strap,  “I’m a little lost though, being a dumb bunny. Care to help a girl in need.” 

“Nein,” said the seal, “this is a restricted area.” 

“Oh I’m sorry,” said Judy, letting out a fake giggle, “I didn’t know.” 

“Wait,” said the stag, “I recognize this little bitch.”

_ Crash! _

“Everyone get the fuck down,” shouted Nick as he waved his .45 on the suspects. 

“Catch,” he said as he tossed Judy her Glock. 

“Alright boys,” said Judy, now in her serious tone, “you are all under arrest for drug trafficking.” 

“You can’t touch us,” said the thickly accented stag. 

“Watch me,” said Judy, “I’ll beat the poop out of you!” 

“Carrots,” said Nick, “did you really just say ‘beat the poop out of you’?” 

“What’s wrong with that,” replied Judy, “I hate cussing!” 

“It just would have sounded better if you at least said ‘crap’!” 

_ Brakabrakabrakabrak! _

The seal, unbeknownst to Nick and Judy, hid an MP40 machine gun in his suit jacket and drew it while they were distracted. 

All the other suspects drew pistols and began firing at Nick and Judy as they crawled behind a couch. 

“You know,” said Nick to Judy over the gunfire, “we should really go to the beach sometime soon.” 

“Liked what you saw,” asked Judy. 

“Every square millimeter of it,” replied Nick enthusiastically. 

“Alright,” said Judy, “I’m game. But only after you apologize to me for making me do that.” 

“C’mon Carrots,” said Nick, “I had a brilliant plan! Give me some credit.” 

Just as it sounded like they ran out of ammo, the two cops made their move. 

“ZPD,” barked Judy, “throw down your weapons and lie face down on the floor with your paws or hoofs over your head!” 

The beaver, stag and pig did what they were told, but the seal that fired the machine gun had other plans. 

“Fluff,” said Nick as he saw the seal vault over the side railing, “he’s getting away!” 

“No he’s not,” said Judy, “let’s go after him!” 

They ran up to the railing and saw the seal jack a red and white speed boat, throwing a capybara over board and into the canal. 

“Nick,” said Judy, “get a boat! I’ll go after him myself.” 

_ Yeah sure thing psycho-girl,  _ thought Nick as he ran back to the dock.

“Finnick,” he said as he removed his friend from the cruiser, “do you still know how to drive a speedboat?” “

Yeah,” asked a confused Finnick as Nick carried him to the dock, “why do you ask now?” 

“One of the suspects is getting away!”

Meanwhile, Judy leapt onto the stern of the speedboat, just narrowly avoiding the deadly propeller. 

She gripped onto the boat with all the might of her right arm while her left paw held her Glock. 

Then, she forced herself to climb on board, using her left elbow to aid her.

_ Thump! _

The seal heard her land on the deck and turned around and saw the same semi-naked bunny that he thought he escaped.

“Hi, I’m Officer Hopps of the ZPD,” greeted Judy as she smiled and waved, “I pulled you over to ask why you aren’t wearing a Coast Guard approved life jacket?” 

_ Brakabrakabrak! _

The seal let out a burst from his MP40, which Judy dodged with her lightning fast reflexes. 

Then she leapt towards the seal and kicked him in the face. 

The seal just twisted around, spat out some blood, then aimed again.

Back on the dock, Nick and Finnick ran up to a green and white sport fishing boat and began requesting it from the owner, a brown bull in a pawaiian shirt. 

“ZPD here,” demanded Finnick, “we need your boat!” 

“Wha- my boat,” asked the bull who was both startled and confused. 

“We need it for a chase,” said Finnick. 

“He’s not the cop here,” said Nick as he showed the bull his badge, “but I am. We need your boat because my partner went after a suspect alone.” 

Just then, the red and white speedboat with Judy and the leopard seal on board sped by, causing high wake that sent the bull's boat bouncing furiously up and down. 

They also heard the unmistakable sound of gunfire from on board. “

You can have the boat,” said the bull. 

“Thank you fine citizen,” said Nick as he and Finnick boarded.

Just as Judy was wrestling with the seal for control of the machine gun, her ears picked up the sound of Nick and Finnick arguing. 

_ Yes, _ she thought as the other boat got closer. 

The seal looked up and saw Nick with his gun aimed at him.

_ Blam! Blam! _

“Shit Finnick I missed,” gripped Nick. 

“Quit your complaining Nicky boy,” said Finnick, “I’m the captain of this here boat.” 

“It’s not even our fucking boat!” 

“Hey Nick,” called out Judy as the seal was about to claw her, “shoot him already!” 

Nick took a deep breath, composed himself as the boat bobbed up and down in the wake, and took his shot, hitting the seal square in the shoulder.

_ Blam! _

The seal hollered in pain as he fell forwards over the back end of the boat, not noticing that he was fatally close to the outboard motor.

Judy covered her eyes with her ears as the seal was torn to shreds. 

“Looks like Shark Week came early,” commented Nick as he saw the blood and guts rise to the surface.


	5. Diplomatic Immunity

**City Hall**

“Really,” asked Bruce Wayne as he talked with his assistant over the phone,  “in the marina? Was it Hopps and Wilde again? Okay, thanks Christie.” 

Mr. Wayne hung up the phone and directed his attention back to Bogo. 

“Do you know where Hopps and Wilde are right this second?” 

“They should be protecting a witness, possibly looking for leads on that Nazi gold,” said Bogo, “why?” 

“No reason,” said Mr. Wayne, “other than the fact that there was a boat chase in the Rainforest District involving a gray rabbit, a red fox, a fennec fox and a leopard seal. From what I heard,” 

he continued, “your people are gonna have to use a chum net to pick up the seal.” 

“Hopps! Wilde!”

**Rainforest District**

“Ready to nail these bastards,” asked Danny to Nick and Judy as they, along with Tyler, Jason and Liz stacked up on the dock with their pistols ready. “

Fuck yeah,” replied Nick. 

“Good,” said Danny as he kicked down the door.

“ZPD! Everyone freeze!”

The officers stormed into the main cabin where there were about eight mammals in suits moving around boxes. 

This included a very menacing looking wolf in a dark blue suit, the sweater wearing stag, glasses pig, no-jacket beaver, a skunk in grey, an arctic fox in a safari shirt, a porcupine with a tan coat and an older weasel standing in the corner. 

“Throw down your weapons and put your paws or hoofs in the air now,” barked Judy, who was now wearing her dry uniform shirt over her soaked undies and aiming her pistol at the big scary wolf. 

The wolf just smirked as he and the rest of the suspects, except the weasel, drew their pistols. 

“Drop it assholes,” shouted Danny. 

“I’ll kill anyone that tries something stupid,” barked Nick.

“Es ist in Ordnung,” said the weasel reassuringly, “hör der Polizei zu. Wirf deine Waffen runter.” 

The wolf sighed as he and the rest of his confederates holstered their pistols. 

“ Come into the light slowly,” barked Judy. 

“Paws where we can see them, dickhead,” snapped Nick. 

“It’s alright,” said the grinning old german accented weasel, wearing a black shirt with a grey tie and grey suspenders, stepped into the light, in plain view of the other ZPD officers, 

“I’m not armed. Guten tag officers. My name is Frederich Wiesler, consul to Zootopia in the United Mammalian States from the Germammal Democratic Republic.”

“East Germammals,” said Nick, “home of the Purlin Wall.” 

“Don’t forget the Nazi gold,” added Danny. 

“Yeah,” said Nick, “I’m glad to finally meet you so I can arrest your punk ass.” 

“Wait,” said Judy, “did he say ‘consul’? Doesn’t that mean something.” 

“Diplomatic Immunity,” said the weasel as pulled his wallet out of his pocket, revealing his credentials, 

then looked at Nick with a smirk, “dickhead.” 

“So what,” said Tyler, “that doesn’t excuse drug trafficking.” 

“Actually it does,” said Nick, “once these guys show us their credentials, we can’t touch them.” 

“But they can touch us,” asked Tyler, confusedly. 

“I will be making a very angry phone call to your State Department once I get back to my office,” said Wiesler, 

“Wolfenstein,” he directed to the wolf, “show these kind officers back to their soil.” 

(If you want to have extra fun with this, you can pretend Mr. Wolfenstein is voiced by Arnold Schwarzenneger)

“Get the fuck out,” barked Wolfenstein as he shoved Wolford and Fangmayer overboard with his remarkeable strength. 

Then he turned to Danny and Tyler, only for Danny to make a fist gesture at him and drag Tyler by his shirt collar off the yacht. 

“Your turn Hase,” he barked at Judy as he threatened to pick her up. 

“I’ll get off by myself, thank you very much,” she snapped back angrily as she and Nick left the yacht and went back to the car with Finnick.

“So did you get the guys that want to kill me,” asked Finnick enthusiastically.

Judy sighed as her ears drooped and her face went into the steering wheel, then she said, “We can’t even give the guy a parking ticket.”

**ZPD Precinct One**

“I can’t say I want to chew your asses out again,” said Bogo as he towered over the desk with Nick and Judy sitting in the office chairs that were comically oversized for them, 

“but I don’t have a choice this time. Mayor Wayne thinks that you two are out of control, as it seems that for nearly two years, where there’s mayhem, there’s you two. And now you went and essentially invaded another country and took your dumbass friend with you? You turning some poor seal into shark chum doesn’t even begin the list of things I have to reprimand you two for. So start talking now.”

“Bogo if I may,” said Judy calmly, “we didn’t know that the suspects were diplomats. It was an honest mistake.” 

“Honest mistake my ass,” snapped Bogo, “with the world being the way it is, if the East Germammals or their puppet masters in Sibearia got the wrong idea, your little fuckup could’ve started World War Three! Now do you know why I’m really mad?” 

“Yes sir,” said a droopy eared Judy, “I’m sorry about the mess.” 

“Buffalo-Butt,” snapped Nick, immediately catching a very angry look from Bogo, “it’s not our fault that this mess happened. We could’ve prevented the whole fuckin’ thing if they identified themselves the first time we boarded the yacht. But no,” he continued, “some douchebag leopard seal tried to off us with a machine gun and jacked a speed boat to try to escape. We even found actual cocaine on the ship! Wiesler’s dirty and you know it!” 

“He may be dirty,” said Bogo, “but that doesn’t change anything. We still can’t arrest him or any of his staff because of his status as a diplomat.” 

“We’ll think of something,” said Nick, “right Carrots?” 

“Yeah,” groaned a defeated Judy, “I guess.” 

“Fluff,” whispered Nick, “where’s your spirit? This is way out of character for you.” 

“I’m supposed to lecture you two about accountability and regard for general safety,” said Bogo, “but I think that today was frustrating enough for all of us. I have one small favor to ask you two.” “What is it Chief,” asked Judy as she suddenly perked up. “Get the fuck outa here,” said Bogo, “I fought tooth and hoof to keep you two together inspite your romantic involvement. I am going to have to make a few phone calls to some federal agencies and I want you two out of my fur. Go blow off some steam by enjoying each other’s company.” “Well,” said Nick as he looked at Judy suggestively, “I guess we would technically be under orders…” “Just go already,” interrupted a tired Bogo, “and take the little douchebag with you.”

**Savannah Central**

Nick and Judy sat down in the restaurant alone together, for the first time in what felt like an eternity. 

Lucky for them, Nick managed to talk Danny into keeping an eye on Finnick, which Finnick gladly agreed to, as he didn’t like the idea of being a third wheel. 

It was a somewhat fancy establishment, so Nick wore a dark brown suit with a red tie while Judy wore a purple dress that revealed her shoulders. 

“Ya know Carrots,” said Nick as he took a drink of his blueberry wine, “usually I have a problem with authority. But this is a time when I’m happy to obey orders.” 

“It was more like a suggestion,” replied Judy as she held her carrot martini, “a very strongly requested suggestion, but still not an order.” 

"Sometimes you worry too much,” said Nick, “time when you get wrapped up in a case like this, I could shove a lump of coal up your little ass and get a diamond the next day.”

“Ha,” laughed Judy, “I bet you could. But if you were to try,” she took a sip, “how ‘bout you use that diamond for a ring? Huh sweety?” 

“I’m not quite ready for that fluff,” said Nick, “you know, full legal commitment.” 

“Oh come on you little scaredy-fox,” said Judy, “you already claimed me biologically. You know with your nose.” 

Nick couldn’t help but laugh at that statement, knowing his girlfriend meant scent-marking, but said it in a rather awkward, dirty way. 

“I mean,” said Judy, “I want to settle this whole thing,” she rubbed her paw against Nick’s, “but I also want to make sure that you’re happy with me in the process. Am I asking too much?” 

“Not at all cottontail,” said Nick, “it’s just that I’m not ready for marriage now. Maybe in about a couple months or whenever things get calm enough, we’ll see what happens.” 

“So what is it you’d want from me now,” asked Judy suggestively. 

“After this lovely romantic candlelit dinner,” said Nick, who then got a dirty look on his face, “I want to drive you back to my place blasting my choice of music,” he sniffed in a big breath of air, then smirked sexually as he continued, “then I want to tear you out of that dress, spank you, drive my dick up your fluffy ass then you can sit on my face.” 

“ _ Then I want to tear you out of that dress, spank you, drive my dick up your fluffy ass then you can sit on my face. _ ”

“Carrots,” asked Nick in playful anger, “give me the pen.” Judy stroked the infamous carrot pen against her ear, then smiled as she licked her lips. 

“I guess I’m being a naughty bunny,” teased Judy, “why don’t you reprimand me?”

**Nick’s apartment**

“Oh God,” shouted Judy as Nick ripped off her clothes while kissing her all over her body, “Oh God yes! Have your way with me beast!”

“Oh yeah,” moaned Nick, “best hustle ever! Get on my knee carrot cake!” 

Judy did just that.

_ Spank! _

“Oh yeah,” said Nick, “just like hitting a pillow!” 

“Don’t hit me too hard,” said Judy. 

“Oh that wasn’t even close to hard,” said Nick as he turned her over and began to have sex with Judy.

**East Germammal Consulate**

“I see that all your credentials are in order, Herr Savage,” said Wiesler as he held a manilla folder. 

Inside the room was Wolfenstein, along with an arctic hare buck in a black suit wearing sunglasses. The hare’s name was Jack Savage, ZIS agent turned killer for the highest bidder. 

“I am pleased that you happened to be here in Zootopia at the same time as I,” said Wiesler, “and I have a job for you.” 

“Show me the money first,” demanded Savage in a british accent, “then we’ll talk about the job.” 

“Wolfenstein,” commanded Wiesler. Wolfenstein reached into his jacket and pulled out a Nazi ingot, showing it to Savage. 

“It can be smelted down to make it clean,” said Wolfenstein. 

“Good thing I accept blood money as a form of payment,” said Savage, “Who’s the target?” 

“ZPD Officers Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps,” said Wiesler. 

“Alright then,” said Savage, “I’ll help you chaps out. But I need their files from the ZPD so I can do this properly.” 

“Anyone with public records access can find those,” said Wiesler. 

“Don’t even think you can cut me a shit deal,” said Savage angrily as he drew out two pistols, one aimed for Wolfenstein and the other for Wiesler, “I’ll kill you both where you stand and disappear into the night forever!” 

“Easy now,” said Wiesler, “we can get you the data.” 

“Good,” said Savage as he walked out, “I’ll keep you apprised of my progress.”

After Savage left, Wiesler and Wolfenstien began to converse, with Wolfenstein carefully looking at the floor as he paced around. 

“Ich dachte ich wäre dein persönlicher Psycho ( _ I thought I was your personal psycho _ ),” said Wolfenstein, “Wofür zum Teufel brauchen wir ihn? ( _ what the hell do we need him for? _ )” 

“Wir brauchen einen Attentäter für einen Attentat ( _ We need an assassin for an assassination job _ ),” said Wiesler, “und er ist einer der besten der Welt ( _ and he's one of the best in world _ ).” 

“Warum schaust du überhaupt auf den Boden? ( _ Why are you looking at the floor anyways _ ),” asked Wiesler, noticing Wolfenstein was looking down somewhat nervously. 

“Ich überprüfe nur, ob ich auf Plastik stand ( _ Just checking to see if I was standing on plastic _ ),” replied Wolfenstein.


	6. Out With A Bang

**Judy’s apartment**

“Alright carrots,” said Nick as he carried an exhausted Judy back to her apartment, “fun’s fun, but we need to be back at work tomorrow ready to go.” 

Little did either mammal notice as Nick unlocked Judy’s door, the arctic hare dressed in all black and wearing a ski mask, hiding in the shadows.

**Savannah Central, the next morning**

Frederich Wiesler got into his black Purcedes sedan, with his consulate plates in full view, as he was expecting at the very least, mild harassment from the ZPD. 

While the old weasel hailed from the communist regime in the east, he knew that West Germammalny was the one with the nicer cars, and one of the great privileges of working in the western world was being able to experience nice things. 

In spite of claiming to be hardline in marxist theory, Wiesler’s newfound wealth could buy plenty of loyalty in the party back home. 

“Auf den Kapitalismus,” muttered Wiesler to himself as he pulled out of his driveway, only to suddenly be cut off by a green Furd GT muscle car. 

Driving the car was none other than the notorious Nick Wilde, who Wiesler recognized yesterday as the fox that called him a dickhead. 

_ Honk! _

Wiesler slammed down on the horn angrily, demanding that Nick move his car out of the way. 

But Nick slowly turned towards Wiesler and let out a smug grin and showed him his middle claw. 

Then as Nick finally moved out of the way, Wiesler muttered “Arschloch,” and pulled out.

**East Germammal Consulate**

Wiesler pulled up to his place of work and saw the usual crowd of anti-communism protestors standing on the sidewalk with picket signs, nothing unusual. 

The consulate was a medium sized, fairly modern office building that could be mistaken for any other firm, with the exception of the hammer and compass painted onto one of the ground level windows and an inscription over the door that read “Arbeiter aller Länder: Vereinigt euch,” which translated to the generic communist slogan, “workers of the world, unite.”

Just as he reached the gate to the underground parking garage, he looked to his side and saw Nick Wilde holding a picket sign that said “Tear Down the Wall!” Once Nick noticed that Wiesler noticed him, he simply smiled and waved like a smug jerk. 

“Guten Morgen Herr Wiesler ( _ Good morning Mr. Wiesler _ ),” greeted a wolf soldier that was employed as a consulate guard. 

(For an image reference, look up Berlin Wall guards) 

“Werde diesen Fuchs los ( _ Get rid of that fox _ ),” said Wiesler to the soldier as he pointed at Nick. 

The soldier looked back and saw Nick waving at them, holding his sign. 

“Jawohl,” said the soldier, as he and another wolf soldier walked up to Nick with their AK-47s in hand. 

“You need to leave, sir,” said one of the soldiers to Nick. 

Nick showed them his badge and said, “Cool it Charlie, I’m a cop.” 

**ZPD Precinct One**

Nick walked into the precinct with his friend Finnick, who Danny handed back over to him mere minutes ago and greeted Clawhouser at the desk. 

“Hey Benji,” said Nick, “how’s it hangin?” 

“Have you seen Judy,” asked Clawhouser. 

“No,” replied Nick, “haven’t you?” 

“She hasn’t shown up yet,” said Benji, “and she’s  _ never  _ late.” 

“That’s odd,” said Nick, “did you try calling her?” 

“Off course we did,” said Benji, “but each time it went straight to voicemail. What exactly were you two up to last night?” 

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” said Nick. 

“They fucked,” whispered Finnick, only to get a slap on the head from Nick.

_ Whack! _

“Ow,” groaned Finnick. 

“Okay, okay,” said Benji, “so you two slept together last night.”

“I dropped her off at her apartment at around one,” said Nick, “so she isn’t at my place. But if she hasn’t shown up to work,” continued Nick, “which she usually beats me here, then maybe she’s in some sort of trouble.” 

“Then you better go check on her,” said Benji, “because Bogo is really not in the mood for anymore shit from you two.”

**Judy’s apartment**

_ Knock! Knock! Knock! _

“Carrots,” said Nick as he knocked on Judy’s door, “It’s me, your favorite predator. You haven’t shown up to work and we’re worried about you!” 

“Nick,” said Judy from the other end, “It’s locked. You’ll have to get it yourself.” 

“Why can’t you come get the door yourself fluff,” asked Nick. 

“Just trust me on this,” said Judy. 

“Okay fluff,” said Nick as he took out his spare key, “good thing you gave me a spare key or I might have to break this door down.” 

“Just quit your yapping and come help me,” barked Judy. 

“Alright fluff,” said Nick as he opened the door, “if you insist.”

“In here,” said Judy from the small toilet area in her tiny apartment. 

Nick opened up the door and saw Judy sitting as still as she possibly could on the small toilet. 

“Oh carrots,” sighed Nick, “you almost had me for a second. C’mon,” he gestured for Judy to get up, “let’s hightail it back to the station before Bogo has our asses.”

“When I went to the bathroom this morning,” said Judy, “I didn’t feel the slightest bit rushed, as I beat my alarm up. I get it,” she continued, “yesterday was lousy, but I had hopes for today. Until I reached for some toilet paper and saw this.” 

Judy rolled down the toilet paper and revealed to Nick why she hasn’t left her bathroom. The words “Boom! You’re Dead!” were written on the roll of toilet paper in black sharpie. 

“Oh carrots,” said Nick, “you must’ve been scared shitless.” 

“Tell me about it Nick,” said Judy, “I haven’t even gotten up to answer the phone because I was so scared.” 

“So that’s why you wouldn’t return any calls,” said Nick. 

“Yeah,” said Judy, “but can you do me a favor?” 

“Anything for my favorite bunny,” said Nick coyly. 

“Please be serious,” snapped Judy, “I am completely terrified that there’s a bomb strapped to my toilet!” 

“You want me to look under your toilet,” Judy nodded yes to Nick, “and see if there’s a bomb?” 

“Yes,” said Judy. 

“Sure thing sweetheart,” said Nick as he got down on all fours and tried to look behind Judy’s feet. 

“By the way,” said Nick as he approached the toilet, “I had a good time last night. Maybe I’ve been a little cynical about the whole commitment thing.” 

“Aw,” said Judy, “thanks Nick.” 

“Oh fuck no,” muttered Nick.

“But Nick,” asked Judy, “why don’t you want to…” 

“Stop,” interrupted Nick sternly, “stay as still as possible.” 

“Does that mean what I think it does,” asked Judy nervously. 

“Yep,” said Nick, “we’re gonna have to call the bomb squad.”

“What do you see,” asked Judy nervously. 

“Looks like a C4,” said Nick, “and judging by those flashing red lights, I’d say it’s equipped with a motion sensor.” 

“What does that mean,” asked Judy, “does it mean I’m dead?” 

“No sweetheart,” said Nick sarcastically, “it just means that someone really wants it that way and they are not only competent,” he continued, “but they also have no sense of shame.” 

“Wiesler,” muttered Judy angrily. 

“It may be the East Germammals,” said Nick, “but first, I’m still gonna have to call the bomb squad.” 

“Okay Nick,” said Judy, “call for help. But please, I beg you,” 

she went as far to make a physical begging gesture, bringing out the droopy ears and the puppy eyes, “keep a lid on this. Don’t use the open frequency.” 

“Since when have I ever lied to you?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fifteen minutes later, outside of Judy’s apartment building seemed to be every first responder in the whole damn town, along with a news crew and a crowd of curious civilians standing outside the barricade. 

A large, dark blue van pulled up on the sidewalk with the words “ZPD Bomb Squad” inscribed on it in white, and about six mammals in navy blue jumpsuits carrying duffle bags and toolboxes, including a racoon, badger, otter, squirrel, beaver and a polar bear climbed out like soldiers leaving a landing craft. 

Nick most certainly had not kept his word.

“Hello, I’m Julie Spotman, ZNN,” said the female snow leopard reporter, “coming to you live from Savannah Central at the residence of famed police officer Judy Hopps. Our sources in the ZPD say that a bomb was allegedly planted on her toilet.” 

Then the reporter noticed Nick Wilde walking by and tried to grab him for an interview. 

“Officer Wilde! Officer Wilde,” she said, “what is your comment on theories that you and Hopps are romantically involved?” 

“My girlfriend is going to kill me for using the open frequency,” said Nick to the cameras as he walked back into the building.

Nick hustled his way up the stairs, where he heard the bomb squad setting up shop in Judy’s apartment. 

Then as he made his way in, he saw Judy staring at him angrily. 

“What carrots,” asked Nick smuggly, “were the fire trucks and the reporters too loud?” 

“I’m gonna  _ kill  _ you Nick,” muttered Judy furiously. 

“Hold on there fluff,” said Nick as he put his arms out defensively, “don’t  _ explode  _ on me. It’d be a major  _ shitstorm _ . Hehehe.” 

“Sergeant Coonway,” she asked for the racoon. 

“Yes Officer Hopps,” asked Coonway. “Can you go grab my  _ carrot pen _ , will you sweetie?” 

“Sure thing cottontail,” said Coonway as he went and grabbed the infamous carrot pen off Judy’s desk.

“Hold on! Hold on,” said Nick, “you deleted that recording from last night, didn’t you?” 

“You embarrass me, I embarrass you,” said Judy, who then smiled smugly and said, “it’s called a hustle sweetheart.” 

_ Yep,  _ thought Nick,  _ I’m in trouble now.  _

Coonway handed Judy the pen, then she grinned with malicious intent as she pressed the playback button.

“ _ Then I want to tear you out of that dress, spank you, drive my dick up your fluffy ass then you can sit on my face. _ ”

“What the fuck Wilde,” asked the squirel examining the bomb, “was that you?” 

“Jesus Wilde,” said the otter, “have a little subtlety.” 

Then the bomb squad just couldn’t help but burst out laughing as they went to work. 

“Laugh it up all you want assholes,” said Nick, “but I’ll have you know that last night,” 

_ And here comes his throwback line,  _ thought Judy nervously, as her ears turned bright red and her nose twitched furiously, 

“me and my girlfriend here,” he pointed at Judy, “Officer Hopps had wild and crazy sex last night. She even went along with the spanking.” 

“You lucky fox,” said the badger, who then high pawed Nick. 

“Can we please be serious now,” pleaded Judy, “I still have a  _ bomb  _ strapped to me!” 

“Alright Officer Hopps,” said the squirrel officer, “I might be able to cut the wire that controls the motion sensor long enough for you to escape.” 

“Good to hear Officer Nutt,” said Coonway as the beaver draped a heavy black blanket over Judy’s back. 

“Now what Officer Buckley is doing is covering you with a bomb blanket to shield you from any blasts in the event that it detonates after you get off the John.” 

“Uh, Coonway,” said Nick, rather concernedly, “Judy’s been on that toilet for at least three hours. I’m gonna have to help her off.” 

“Yeah, about that Coonway,” commented Judy, “I am gonna need some help getting up.” 

“Okay, fox,” said Coonway to Nick, “you take the bomb blanket.” 

Buckley took the blanket off Judy and handed it to Nick, “Nutt is going to cut the wire for the motion sensor, which should stop the bomb from detonating. I need you to grab her off there and lie down in the hallway, covering her up with the bomb blanket.” 

“Until when,” asked Judy nervously. 

“Until about fifteen seconds,” said Coonway,  “because Kelpton,” he pointed at the otter holding a measuring cup full of liquid nitrogen, “is gonna pour nitro on the bomb, it should muffle the blast enough that it won’t pose as great a risk.” 

“You’re still gonna disarm the bomb, right,” asked Judy as her nose twitched. 

“We’ll know about fifteen seconds after you and your partner cut and run.”

“Alright Sarge,” said Nick to Coonway, “I get the idea,” he handed Coonway his .45, “keep an eye on my piece. I’ll be back to collect it.” 

“Sure thing Wilde,” said Coonway he took the pistol and ordered the rest of the bomb squad out of the apartment.

Just as the room got quiet, Nick decided to do some brief, pre-blast chit-chat. 

“So baby,” he said nervously, “I’m sorry I used the open frequency.” 

“It’s okay slick,” said Judy, “now all you have to do is sweep your girl off her feet, and I’m probably gonna need a new place to sleep.” 

“You can bunk with me afterwards,” said Nick. 

“Really,” asked Judy enthusiastically. 

“Sure,” said Nick, “you were probably gonna do this anyways. I guess that getting your apartment blown to  _ shit  _ is what it took to move this thing forwards.” 

“You’re just full of bad puns today, aren’t ya,” asked Judy playfully. 

“C’mon fluff,” said Nick, “you know I’m  _ dynamite _ .” They couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Alright carrots,” said Nick in an all serious tone, “time to get moving. On three. One,” he lifted once, “two,” twice, “three!” 

Then he yanked her up, threw the bomb blanket over his and her back and ducked onto the hardwood floor.

“Carrots,” said Nick, “we made it! Ha!” 

“Not yet,” said Judy, “we still have five seconds.” 

“Five seconds is all I need,” replied Nick. 

“Wait,” said Judy as her ears picked something up, “I think I heard a beep.” 

“But the time just ran out fluff,” said Nick, “there’s no way the the bomb should det-”

_ Ka-Boom! _

Judy’s apartment went up in a fiery explosion, taking it out, along with the adjacent rooms. 

Judy’s ears, while ringing from the blast, still picked something up. 

_ Is that my toilet,  _ she thought,  _ hitting Nick’s car? He’s gonna be so pissed.  _

“I told you there was nothing to worry about fluff,” said Nick, not aware of what Judy was thinking.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As firefighters fought to control the blaze in what used to be Judy’s apartment, Nick stared at the massive dent on the hood of his car. 

He had just gotten the windshield fixed after having it shot out in the car chase the other night, only now for him to need a new hood because Judy’s toilet went flying onto his car, of all the places it could have landed. 

“Not one word, Judy,” said Nick just as Judy, who was standing right next to him, was about to open her mouth. 

_ When you gotta go _ , thought Judy,  _ you gotta GO! _

“Miss Hopps,” said an elderly female armadillo in an angry voice. 

“Mrs. Shell,” greeted Judy with nervous enthusiasm, “how are you on this fine morning?” 

“Give me your keys,” demanded Mrs. Shell, “I kick you out! Fox too!” 

Judy sighed as she and Nick handed in their keys. 

“And stay the fuck away,” muttered Mrs. Shell angrily as she walked away.

“So,” said Judy, “it seems that now I’ve been evicted, on account of my apartment exploding, taking two other rooms with it.” 

“Not your fault fluff,” said Nick, “you can move in with me. My place is bigger anyways.” 

Judy hugged Nick enthusiastically. 

“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou,” she rambled on. 

Then Nick said, “There’s my cheerful little bunny, even after the little  _ crapfest _ .”


	7. Behind The Curtain

**ZPD Precinct One**

_ Flush! _

“Ah, finally,” moaned Judy, “some peace and quiet.” 

“What’s that Judy,” asked Liz Fangmeyer from the other stall, “you worried about another trapped toilet?” 

“I’m never gonna live this down am I,” asked Judy rhetorically as she got off the toilet, which was far too large for her. 

Then as she climbed up to the faucet, Liz decided to walk up and have a conversation with her. “I’m sorry you lost your apartment today,” said the tigress, “and it’s too bad it had to be broadcasted on the news.” 

“I’m over it now,” said Judy as she started washing her paws, “this is probably karma for the awards ceremony that one time. Besides,” she continued, “I wanted to move in with Nick anyways. It’ll get him thinking about taking our relationship up a notch.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, I know,” said Judy, “he’s the most loving boyfriend I could ever hope to get, can sweet talk me into just about anything, and can shoot good enough to stop a rhino dead in his tracks. Why is it so wrong to want his babies?”

“Well it’s not,” said Fangmeyer, “but you and him, you’re WildeHopps thing was under investigation for a while and now you have a mayor that hates you two,” she continued, “to your face.”

“He did mark me though,” said Judy, “so I guess that means I’m reserved parking for him.” 

“Way more than that carrots,” said Fangmeyer. 

_ Why does everybody have to call me that,  _ thought Judy as she walked out of the ladies room.

Back at Nick’s cubicle, Nick was telling his side of the story to Finnick, Danny, Tyler, Jason Wolford and Benji Clawhouser. 

“So I walked in there,” said Nick, “real shithole the place was anyways, with fluff just sitting on the toilet nervously. I asked her to get up but she wouldn’t go for it.” 

“Did you have any terrible puns for the occasion,” asked Finnick. 

“Here's the best one,” replied Nick, “don’t  _ explode  _ on me. It’d be a real  _ shitstorm _ .” Nick’s friends howled in laughter.

“So anyways,” interrupted Clawhouser, “would anyone like to buy my new WildeHopps merch?” Clawhouser picked up a bag full of t-shirts, all with the famous photo of Judy pinning the badge on Nick, surrounded by a heart shape. There was also the words “WildeHopps 4-Ever,” written in hot pink in some fancy script font.

“Benji,” said Nick, “your interest in mine and Hopps’ personal life both flatters and horrifies me.” 

“Do you have any of those shirts in extra small mammal size,” asked Finnick. 

“You traitor,” snapped Nick to Finnick, “I thought you were my friend!” 

"I’ll take one in medium,” said Danny. 

“Me too,” said Jason. 

“Me three,” said Tyler, “being a mixed race kid, I’m just a sucker for interspecies love.” 

“You guys are insane,” whispered a wide eyed Nick to himself nervously.

Nick made a break for the water cooler, not noticing Finnick following him, and found Judy. 

“Clawhouser’s lost his goddamn mind,” said Nick casually as he filled one of the paper cups. 

Judy looked up and saw the chubby cheetah hocking WildeHopps t-shirts to the entire office. 

“Aw,” she said with a smile, “I find it so cute that so many mammals want us to be together.” 

“Fluff,” said Nick, “this WildeHopps train has just left Zootopia and is making a no stops trip straight to Creepy Town.” 

“Hahahaha,” Nick and Judy heard a familiar laugh,  “Nick, you insecure sonofabitch. You should have seen the look on your face when I bought one of those t-shirts from that fat motherfucker. You blushed like a little kit being asked about his first girlfriend.” 

“Thanks you little shit,” said Nick nonchalantly. 

“So are you two actually going to be bunking together from now on,” asked Finnick, “‘cause if so, all the luck to you two. Especially you bunny.” 

“Oh come on,” said Judy, “it’s not like I haven’t slept with Nick before.” 

Just then, Judy’s ears turned bright red, realizing she meant to say ‘at Nick’s’ rather than ‘with Nick’. 

“I know you have,” said Finnick, “I can still smell a little bit of the residue on you.”

“Are all foxes filthy minded like you,” asked Judy to Nick. 

“It’s more of a guy thing than a species thing,” replied Nick, “and any ideas on what to do about the East Germammals?” 

“The only thing we can do now is beg them to leave the country,” said Judy. 

“Wait,” said Nick, “that gives me an idea.”

**East Germammal Consulate**

“So my entire role is to go undercover as a hot reporter,” asked Judy as Nick parked the car and Finnick picked up a video camera that looked way too big for him. Judy wore fake glasses, a blue suit and skirt, and held a microphone, as that was her cover. 

“It’s not like the pretty girl schtick was a complete bust,” said Nick. 

“It made me wanna do some busting when I watched from the car last time,” said Finnick.

Nick, seeing Judy’s embarrassment at that statement and Finnick’s rather jarring comment, felt something surge that he hadn’t seen in a long time.  He stared down Finnick, showed of his claws and growled in a bestial form. 

“Don’t touch my mate,” he growled to Finnick, who just sat there unphased. 

Then Nick reverted back to normal mode, panting as he loaded his pistol. 

“You wouldn’t claw your old pal,” said Finnick. 

“Wanna test me again,” asked Nick sarcastically, “I fuckin’  _ killed  _ a mammal in this state!” 

Finnick and Judy starred at Nick in disapproval, forcing Nick to shrug it off and explain. 

“Well,” he said nervously, “you getting into a fight with the cougar wasn’t the smartest choice, and he was about to kill you.” 

“I still have last night’s recording, by the way,” said Judy as she frowned and took out the carrot pen.

“ _ Then I want to tear you out of that dress, spank you, drive my dick up your fluffy ass then you can sit on my face. _ ”

Finnick burst out laughing as Nick buried his face in his paws, echoed by Judy’s rather sadistic chuckle. 

“Alright slick,” said Judy, “now let’s go carry out the plan.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Excuse me,” said Judy to the badger behind one of the desks, escorted by Finnick, who was undercover as the camera-mammal, “I’m Julia March,” she held up her fake press pass, “here with the ZNN to do a story on life in East Germammalny.” 

“Nice to meet you,” said the badger, “Fraulein March. Please sit down and make yourself comfortable.” 

Judy sat down, with Finnick holding the camera. With any luck, this idiotic stunt would not only convince Wiesler to leave the United Mammalian States, but also be a Zootube hit by lunchtime.

“Some of our viewers have questions on life under communism that was established after the war,” said Judy as she stroked her glasses, “tell me your thoughts.” 

“Well,” said the badger, “under marxist theory, all mammals are equal and entitled to be free of exploitation from the bourgeois. We can’t ever get too far away from the old Nazi regime.” 

“So how about shooting families while they try to flee west,” asked Judy accusatively. 

“What do you mean,” asked the badger, “the Germammal Democratic Republic is a fair and merciful society.” 

“Building a wall through a major city is a good way to show it,” said Judy, “as well as using a brutal secret police force to keep everyone in line. Sounds like life is really good in your totalitarian, stalinist puppet regime.”

“Stalinist puppet regime,” chanted Finnick. 

“Roll back the iron curtain,” demanded Judy, “tear down the wall!” 

“Tear down the wall,” chanted Finnick.

“Fraulein,” said the badger, trying his damndest to not explode on Judy, “please keep it down.” 

“No,” barked Judy, “I will not be silent. Free Eastern Europe! Better dead than red!”

“Better dead than read motherfuckers,” cheered Finnick. 

“Alright,” said the badger, “that’s enough, Sicherheit!” The alarm in the building suddenly went off, causing many mammals to clear out as a squad of wolf soldiers barged into the main lobby with AK-47s, as well as a skunk and a beaver in suits.

“We will not be silent,” said Judy, “we will be free to tell the truth! End the violence! One Germammalny for one Germammal people!” 

“Get out of here crazy lady,” said the badger as he and the skunk tried to grab her by the shoulders.  Judy’s martial arts training kicked in and she roundhouse kicked the skunk onto the floor. 

“Mach nichts Dummes,” barked one of the soldiers as he aimed his AK-47 at Judy and Finnick. 

“You can’t shoot me,” snapped Judy, “I’m too adorable!”

As Judy and Finnick were in the process of distracting security, Nick snuck through the underground parking garage as the gate closed and the soldier in charge hightailed it to the main lobby. 

_ Commie chumps,  _ thought Nick as he grinned smugly and snuck his way past the commotion.

“Riding on the winds of chaaaange,” sang Judy loudly as she ripped down an East Germammal flag. 

“Get the fuck out,” barked the skunk as he shoved her against the door. 

Then Judy looked up at the armed wolf soldiers, rolled her eyes and said, “Y’all are just jealous that you couldn’t seize my means of production.” 

Then she and Finnick stormed out, greeted by a cheering crowd of Purlin Wall protestors.

Wiesler, Wolfenstein, an arctic hare in a black suit and a few other mammals in suits walked back into the Head Consuls office. 

“Ein weiterer verrückter Reporter,” asked Wiesler angrily to Wolfenstein, “Ich habe gerade das Schlimmste gesehen. Schließ das Gebäude ab!” 

Then they walked into Wiesler’s office, only after they closed the door to notice a certain red fox in a police uniform brandishing a .45. 

“I would say call the cops,” said Nick, “but lucky for you, we’re already here.” 

“You have no idea what you’re doing here Wilde,” said Wiesler, “you better have a good reason for pulling a stunt like this.” 

“How about a proposition,” said Nick, “or did they not teach you how to make business deals in commie school? Some people’s revolution.”

Wiesler’s hench-mammals all drew out their weapons, including Wolfenstein, the stag in the sweater, an arctic fox and a porcupine, as well as the pig with glasses revealing an MP-40 concealed in his jacket. 

“That’s some serious hardware,” said Nick, “they don’t even give us shit like that on the force. For claiming not to be Nazis,” he continued, “you sure like using their stuff. And who’s the dense ass rabbit anyways,” he pointed to the arctic hare, “I don’t recognize him.”

“Of course you don’t,” said the hare in a british accent, “allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jack Savage.” 

“Nice name,” said Nick, “brings up some unpleasant memories, but I’m glad you’re happy with it.” 

“Mr. Savage is employed by the consulate,” said Wiesler, “you can’t arrest him either.”

“I hope your bunny doll had a good time last night,” said Savage to Nick, “seeing as her indigestion may have killed her.”

“So you were the asshole that planted the bomb,” said Nick, “I really oughta thank you. I’ve been meaning to get fluff to move in with me. I guess it was a crap shoot though.”

“Enough of this,” barked Wiesler, “Mr. Savage, show Officer Wilde what you are capable of.” 

Savage took a cigarette lighter out of his pocket with his right paw, pulled down his right ear with his left paw and said “If you insist, sir.” 

“What the hell are you doing,” asked Nick in amazement and confusion. 

“Watch me,” said Savage as he flicked open the lighter. Then he held it up to his ear, with a stone cold look of indifference on his face as the lighter burned through his flesh. 

“You sick sonofabitch,” said Nick, who then turned to Wiesler, “is this who you hired to kill me?” 

Savage just smirked and closed up the lighter. Then he kicked Nick in the stomach.

_ Oof! _

“Alright,” said Nick as he stumbled back, “that’s enough!” 

He eyed Mr. Wolfenstein approaching him with his deadly claws, which he countered by aiming his gun at him. 

“I want you,” Nick said to Wiesler, “you dirty old weasel, to quit while you’re ahead and get the fuck out of my country. Because if you stay here, my partner and I are gonna rain hell on you and your entire operation.” 

“What gives you the authority to tell me that,” demanded Wiesler. “A Mr. Colt gives me that authority,” said Nick, waving around his pistol, “and right now, I really oughta shoot something.” “Don’t try it fox,” said Wiesler, “you’re gravely outnumbered. Kill one of us and you’ll never make it out of here alive. Now listen, I want you to…”

_ Bang! _

Nick shot the aquarium, causing all the fish to spill out onto the office floor, distracting all of Wiesler’s goons, with the exception of Jack Savage. 

“You bastard,” barked Wiesler as Nick strolled out of his office. 

“I know you are but what am I,” quipped Nick as he closed the door.

_ I’m gonna enjoy killing you,  _ thought Savage as Wiesler ordered him to help pick up the fish with the rest of his goons.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cruiser’s car door opened, with Judy and Finnick eager to tell Nick their story as he climbed into the driver’s seat. 

“So how’d my favorite bunny do on her first undercover assignment,” asked Nick cheerfully. 

“She nailed the off-the-rails crazy bitch,” said Finnick, “you must really be proud.” 

“Finnick,” said Judy angrily, “what did I tell you about language?” 

“Okay, okay,” said Finnick defensively, “I get it. No naughty words, damnit!” 

“Don’t call her a bitch,” said Nick, defending Judy’s honor, “because she’s not  _ a  _ bitch.” 

“Aw,” Judy felt warm inside, “you’re so sweet.” 

Nick grabbed her by the shoulder and said, “She’s  _ my  _ bitch!” 

“Okay,” said Judy, “enough of that. Tell us about what you did while Finnick gets the video ready.” 

“Oh nothing much,” said Nick, “we were just fish in a barrel and I was just shooting the breeze.” 


	8. Jack Attack

Chapter Eight: Jack Attack

**Savannah Central**

“ _ Stalinist puppet regime! Roll back the Iron Curtain! Tear down the wall! Alright Fraulein, that’s quite enough! _ ”

“Pfft,” Nick, Judy and Finnick tried to hold back their laughter as they watched their footage from the consulate go viral. “Here’s the part where they kick us out,” said Judy. “ _ I will not be silent, _ ” shouted Judy in the video as the badger was seen trying to calm her down, “ _ Free Eastern Europe! Better dead than red! _ ” “That’s around when I snuck in,” said Nick. “Just keep watching,” added Judy, “it gets better.”

“ _ Don’t grab me Charlie, _ ” Judy barked at one of the soldiers in the video, “ _ My body’s my property! Learn some respect for me! I am a strong, empowered bunny doe! _ ” “Hahahaha,” Nick laughed even harder. Then he saw what looked like Judy kicking a skunk in the stomach and muttering something about personal space or something. Then it cut to her chanting ‘better dead than red’, and ‘tear down the wall’, really loudly while Finnick added some peppered commentary.

“ _ They actually think this bitch is fuckin’ whacked, _ ” said Finnick, “ _ I bet they just want to grab some of that carrot cake. I know I do! _ ” “Finnick,” said Nick angrily. “Wait,” interrupted Judy, “here comes the best part.”

The video showed Judy doing some nonsensical chant as she broke from the custody of the badger, skunk and the wolf soldiers and darted for the flag that was posted in the corner of the room. 

“ _ But our flag was still THERE! _ ” she scream sang as she leapt for the flag while the skunk and one of the soldiers tried to catch her. “ _ Listen to the winds of change! Riding on the winds of CHAAAAANGE! _ ” Judy ripped down the flag and was knocked down by the soldier. “ _ Get your filthy paws of me commie, _ ” barked Judy at the soldier, “ _ you may not seize my means of production! _ ”

Nick, Judy and Finnick all burst out laughing. “This has gotta be the second most fun thing we’ve done all week,” said Nick. “Don’t push the envelope, slick,” said Judy, knowing he was talking about last night’s sexual encounters. 

“By the way,” said Nick, “you about ready to move in with me? I’d actually really like that.” “I bet you would,” said Judy, “but in all seriousness, I’m gonna need to buy a lot of new things, considering almost all of it got blown up this morning.” “Anything to help out my carrot cake,” said Nick as he kissed Judy on the forehead, “by the way, since I’ve got Danny watching Finnick on the night shift,” he continued, “I thought I’d go ahead and plan another  _ extra  _ special evening.” 

“Thanks but no thanks,” said Judy as she smiled, “I’m not really in the mood to get it on tonight.” “Not that,” said Nick in a somewhat serious tone, “it’s, uh, something else.” “Like what,” asked Judy with deep interest. “Look carrots,” said Nick, “it wouldn’t work if I told you now. You just have to trust me on this.” “Alright,” said Judy, “I’ll accept your little invitation.” “Good,” said Nick, “now I’m just gonna need a couple hours alone.”

**Savannah Central**

Nick stood in Emmit Otterton’s flower shop, trying his best to keep his composure. “C’mon Emmit,” said Nick, “it’s for  _ Judy _ ! You have to give me a better deal than that!” “It’s called supply and demand,” said Emmit, “and I believe you know all about that. Oh,” he continued, “I saw that video of Judy on Zootube a minute ago. I showed it to my employees and they laughed their asses off.” 

“Glad you like it,” said Nick, “I talked her into it as part of a case.” “I wouldn’t exactly call exploding on foreigners and putting it on the internet good policework,” said Emmit. “We weren’t exactly investigating,” said Nick, “she was more of a distraction than anything else.” 

“What were you doing in the East Germammal consulate anyways,” asked Emmit, “it’s not like you could arrest anyone that works there.” “Okay, okay,” said Nick, “Judy was simply providing a distraction for the stormtroopers guarding the building so I could sneak into that bastard weasel’s office.” “Sounds illegal,” said Emmit, “but then again, they call you and Judy ‘outlaw cops’ for a reason.”

“All I did,” said Nick, trying to explain himself, “was politely demand that Wiesler and his goon squad leave Zootopia for their home across the Atlantic before we actually can do something to him.” “Don’t think he’d like that,” said Emmit. “Not after I shot his fish tank,” said Nick, not caring about the  _ very  _ disappointed look on Emmit Otterton’s face. 

“And then there was this psycho bunny,” added Nick. “Not a very nice way to refer to your girlfriend,” commented Emmit Otterton. “I’m not talking about her,” said Nick, “this time.”

“I’m talking about,” continued Nick, “I’m talking about the arctic hare that the weasel must’ve hired to kill me and Hopps or something.” “Who said anything about killing,” asked Emmit. “Well,” said Nick, “lighting his ear on fire as a show of strength gave me a good hint.”

A few minutes later, after Nick had caved in and bought the purple tulips for the price that the otter was asking for, he decided he’d take the scenic route back to the precinct. This caused him to make the unfortunate mistake of walking into an alley, where he was jumped by a small mammal who was surprisingly a lot stronger than him.

Nick collapsed onto the pavement, dropping the flowers. Then he turned around and saw the same arctic hare from earlier that day. “You again,” he said angrily to Jack Savage, “leave me the fuck alone.” “Sorry old chap,” said Savage as he kicked Nick in the jaw, “can’t do that!”

_ Wham! _

“That’s assaulting a cop,” said Nick as he drew his .45, “you aren’t getting away from this!” “Watch me,” said Savage as he grabbed Nick’s shooting arm and twisted the gun out of it. 

Nick pulled himself up and clawed down onto Savage’s face, giving it a good scratch. But Savage just took a step back, spit onto the pavement, and grinned.  _ I don’t like that look,  _ thought Nick as he noticed Savage reaching into his suit jacket.

Savage took out a combat knife and swung it at Nick, who quickly dodged the deadly blade by swaying to his left, falling to the ground. Then as Savage prepared to stab Nick, Nick grabbed onto his paws and held on with all his strength.

“I’m not dead yet,” grunted Nick as he fought with Savage for control of the blade. “Do you wish to bet,” grunted Savage as he pressed his weight down, with Nick just barely moving his abdomen out of the way in time.

Then Nick flipped Savage off him and rolled the assailant onto the ground, where he began punching him in the face. “It’s over Savage,” said Nick, “you ain’t killing me!” “I still have to kill your old friend,” taunted Savage as he pushed himself out from under Nick. Then he did a martial arts pose, ready for a strike, and said, “And the bunny too! It’s a damn shame you like her too much.”

As Savage leapt at Nick, Nick rapidly drew his nightstick and whacked the hare like a baseball. “And stay the fuck down,” barked Nick as he limped away.

**ZPD Precinct One**

“I know it’s weird and all,” said Judy to Tyler Stripervich, the rookie liger, “but can I ask you for some perspective, being interspecies and all?” “Aside from the fact that mother is a lioness and my father is a tiger,” said Tyler, “I really don’t have any insight on what’s going on between you and Officer Wilde.”

_ Bzz! Bzz! _

Judy heard her phone ring, and noticing it was from Nick, picked it up. “Carrots,” said Nick from the other end, “are you okay?” “I’m just fine Nick,” replied Judy, “why?” “Oh nothing much,” said Nick, “just got the living crap beat out of me by some psycho bunny that Wiesler must’ve hired to kill us. Just checking in. See you at the apartment.”

Nick hung up quickly, which both made Judy and Tyler sense something was off. “Psycho bunny” asked Tyler confusedly, “is he talking about you?” “I don’t think so,” said Judy, “he sounded pretty beat up. I should probably go check on him.”

**East Germammal Consulate**

“Das gerät außer Kontrolle ( _ This is getting out of hand _ ),” said Wiesler to Wolfenstein, “Sie hätten nicht in der Lage sein sollen, so an der Sicherheit vorbeizukommen ( _ They shouldn't have been able to slip b=past security like that _ ).” “Was machen wir wohl? ( _ What do you suppose we do _ ),” asked Wolfenstein, “Denkst du, wir sollten eigentlich packen und gehen? ( _ do you think we should actually pack up and leave? _ )”

“Herr Savage,” said Wiesler, “er sollte nicht so scheitern ( _ he wasn't supposed to fail like that _ ). Alle drei dieser Bastarde sollten inzwischen tot sein ( _ All three of those bastards should be dead by now _ ).” “Also gehen wir nicht ( _ So we're not leaving _ ),” asked Wolfenstein. “Natürlich gehen wir ( _ Of course we’re leaving _ ),” said Wiesler, “Aber wir müssen unser ganzes Geld mit nach Hause nehmen ( _ But we're going to need to take all our money back home with us _ ).” 

“Dafür braucht es viel mehr als nur ein paar Seesäcke ( _ It'll take a lot more than just a couple duffle bags for that _ ),” said Wolfenstein. “Ich werde mir darüber Sorgen machen ( _ I’ll worry about that _ ),” assured Wiesler, “Meine Freunde in der Nationalen Volksarmee haben uns ein Flugzeug besorgt ( _ My friends in the National People's Army got us a plane _ ). Sie bekommen das Angriffsteam auf Hopps und Wilde ( _ You get the assault team on Hopps and Wilde _ ).” 

Wolfenstein grinned and said, “Wenn Sie darauf bestehen, Sir ( _ If you insist, sir _ ).” Just as Wolfenstein walked out of the office, Wiesler added, “Und finde diesen Söldner für mich. Ich muss mit ihm sprechen. ( _ And find that mercenary for me. I need to speak with him _ ).” “Jawohl,” said Wolfenstein as he exited the office, looking forward to taking out Hopps and Wilde his way. 


	9. Retaliation

**Outback Island**

Danny McBoot lied down on his couch, using his father’s slouch hat to cover his face as he attempted to take a nap. But Finnick’s babbling proved to be too much. “So Nick told me that the reason you were guarding me on nights was so he and his girlfriend can do special plans,” rambled Finnick, “what do you think the little bunny has in store for her this time?”

“Not my business,” groaned Danny, “so shut the fuck up.” “I mean,” Finnick continued, “he did say something about getting flowers and some other shit. Kept talking about ‘purple tulips’ like it was real fuckin special.” “I guess purple’s Judy’s favorite color or something,” mumbled Danny. 

“You think he clawed her in bed or something,” said Finnick, digging himself into a hole, “or maybe spanked her too hard and now she’s _ pissed  _ and Nick wants to make up for it. I think that maybe it’s because her toilet got blown up and she’s upset, even though she seemed pretty damn happy. Maybe…”

“Shut up,” barked Danny. “Jesus,” said Finnick, “take a fuckin loot or something.”

**East Germammal Consulate**

“Alright Herr Savage,” said Wiesler angrily as he droned over the table, “you failed me twice. I do not find that acceptable.” “That rabbit was as good as dead if it weren’t for her foxy fuck-buddy,” snapped Savage. “But she’s not,” said Wiesler, “she and the fox are still alive and kicking. You had one,” he took a breath, “simple task. Kill two ordinary, tiny police officers and you fuck it up. Not once. But  _ twice!  _ I’m renegotiating your contract.”

“What’s the matter,” said Savage sarcastically, “is Uncle Charlie afraid to lose his precious drug money.” Wiesler growled at the comment and gestured for the pig and stag to approach Savage, who responded by pulling out a Skorpian machine pistol. “You will not shoot me in the back,” said Savage. “Then I’m still getting my money’s worth,” said Wiesler, “get to the boat. I need you there for a special assignment.”

**Sahara Square**

Nick parked his now banged up Furd GT on one of the dunes of Sahara Square, giving him and Judy a perfect view of the bay. It was about thirty minutes to sunset, which was the perfect time for Nick to start the particular conversation he wanted to have with Judy. He was careful to say as little as possible in between now and when they finished moving Judy in. He didn’t even talk about the bruises that the arctic hare gave him about three hours ago. 

_ I hope she likes this surprise,  _ thought Nick, blissfully unaware of what would soon take place.

**Savannah Central**

Tyler Stripervich decided to make a quick snack run on the way home from the precinct. He parked the cruiser, which he had one from Danny via coin toss, and walked into the convenience store. Tyler strolled on in, whistling as he looked through the healthier snacks, as he still wanted to stay in good shape for his job, not noticing the pig behind him in the tan suit wearing glasses.

“Hey you there,” said a german accented voice from behind the young liger, “do I know you?” Tyler turned around and saw the familiar pig with a suppressed pistol in his right hoof. “What are you doing harassing me, porky,” snapped Tyler, “I’m a cop!” “No, you were a cop,” said the pig.

_ Pft! Pft! Pft! _

**Tundra Town**

Jason Wolford was at work on his car in his home garage, as was his main hobby. The wolf was pissed that the East Germammal weasel that they were after was untouchable, but he figured that if he just enjoyed his music while working on his dad’s Chewvy, he’d feel a lot better. 

He didn’t see the bomb planted in the engine until it was too late.

_ Ka-Boom! _

**ZPD Precinct One**

“Yes mister mayor,” said Bogo over the phone in his office, “I’ve seen the video of Hopps too. Yes,” he continued, “I know she stepped out of line! Yes I also know that Wilde shot the fish tank, but he also got assaulted by a professional hit-mammal so can I please cut him a break.” He paused, listening to Mr. Wayne’s choice words, then calmed down and asked Bogo about something else. “Well I guess Hopps’ rant was pretty damn funny.”

_ Wham! _

Ben Clawhouser barged into Bogo’s office, panting heavily with a very concerned look on his face. “I’m gonna have to call you back,” said Bogo as he hung up the phone. “What happened, Clawhouser,” asked Bogo in a very concerned voice. “It’s Tyler and Jason,” said Clawhouser sadly, “they’re dead!”

**Over Zootopia Bay**

Two gray and black camouflage helicopters flew over the bay that formed the southwestern border of the Zootopian metropolitan area as the sun went down. Mr. Wolfenstein sat in the copilot seat of the lead helicopter, wearing a black sweater and headphones. Inside the first helicopter with him was the pilot, a beaver, as well as a brown bear in the back, wearing a solid black t-shirt and tactical webbing, operating an MG-42 machine gun.

In the second helicopter was a squad of six wolf commandos, all dressed in black sweaters and cargo pants, as well as black tactical webbing and M-56 Stalhelms. They each carried skeleton stock AK-47s fitted with holographic sights.

“Annäherung an das Ziel ( _ Approaching target _ ),” said Wolfenstein into the radio, “fünf Minuten ( _ five minutes _ ).” “Sollten wir erwarten, dass sie bewaffnet sind? ( _ should we expect them to be armed _ ),” asked the pilot of the second helicopter. “Es wird keine Rolle spielen, wenn wir sie töten ( _ It won't matter once we kill them _ ).”

**Outback Island**

“Alright, I’ll cave,” said Danny frustratedly. “So are you gonna tell me what my old pal is up to with his bunny doll,” asked Finnick with great interest. “Okay,” said Danny, “so Nick wanted me to keep it a secret,” he made a fist gesture, “but because you are so fucking obnoxious, I’ll tell you.” “And,” asked Finnick sarcastically. “Nick is gonna ask Judy the big question,” said Danny. 

Before Finnick had time to say something, a burst from a machine gun rang out and someone kicked down the door to the small house.

_ Brakabrakabrakabrak! _

A stag in a sweater vest carrying an MP-40, accompanied by a skunk and a badger in tan and grey suits, barged into the room. Danny drew his dad’s M9 on the intruders and barked, “Get the fuck out of my place!” “Nein,” said the stag as he shot Danny in the legs.

“You motherfuckers,” howled Danny as he collapsed. “Finnick RUN!” Finnick tried his hardest to make it past the stag, but he was nabbed by the skunk and badger.As the assailants left, Danny crawled towards his radio receiver in a last ditch effort to call for help.

“Nick,” he cried into the receiver, “Judy! Tyler!” He kept going as he breathed heavily, “Jason! Liz! Benji! Can anyone fucking hear me?”

**Sahara Square**

Unaware of the carnage that was taking place, Nick decided to carry out his evening with Judy as he planned. 

“So,” said Nick as he awkwardly tried to start a conversation, “we’ve been seeing each other for what? A year now? And I’ve already done the marking.” “What’s in your paw,” asked Judy eagerly as she noticed Nick had a paw behind his back.

“Oh these,” said Nick as he revealed the flowers, “these are just a little gift to a very special mammal of mine.” “Oh Nick,” said Judy as she cheerfully accepted the flowers, “their beautiful! But you didn’t have to buy me anything.” She looked at her partner’s bruises again, “Did you have to fight someone over them?”

“No, not at all,” said Nick, “I just got jumped by some arctic hare on the way back from the flower shop. He was just some psycho hired by Wiesler. Nothing to worry about.” “Nick,” said Judy concernadly, “you could have been killed.” “Yeah,” said Nick, spreading his arms, “but that’s just a typical day for us. I dragged you out here to talk about something else.” He switched on the radio.

_ Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna… _

“Nope,” said Nick as he switched the station. He ended up having some love song played by this West Germammal band playing. (For your information, it’s  _ Still in Love with You  _ by the Scorpions). 

“Perfect,” muttered Nick. “Oh yes,” he looked back at Judy, “there’s something I want to ask you about. I guess it’s now or never.”  _ Here it comes,  _ thought Judy as she was barely able to contain her excitement. “I couldn’t get a ring on such short notice, but,” Nick gently grabbed Judy’s paws, “Judy? Will you marry me?” 

“YES!” exclaimed Judy, “Yes I would! I’ve been waiting for you to ask! I’m so happy! We can go back to Bunny Burrow, have a nice ceremony with the family, then eventually get a house with kids and…” “Okay Carrots,” said Nick, “I’m glad you’re happy. But let’s not push the envelope just yet.” 

Judy hugged Nick and whispered happily, “I’m so ready to be your wife.” “Me too fluff,” said Nick as he gently stroked her fur, “me too.”

**ZPD Precinct One**

Chief Bogo, Benjamin Clawhouser and Liz Fangmeyer stood in the office around one of their police scanners, trying desperately to reach any members of the task force that were still alive.

“Hello,” they heard Danny’s voice, “Can any of you fuckers hear me?” “Loud and clear Danny,” said Clawhouser, “glad to hear you’re still with us.” “They shot my legs and took Finnick,” said Danny, “what the fuck is going on?” “I’m not going to lie to you McBoot,” said Bogo, “things are bad. We have two dead officers and another two unaccounted for.” “Which ones,” demanded Danny, “answer me goddamnit!” 

“Stripervich and Wolford,” said Clawhouser, “they didn’t even see it coming.” “They killed the kid,” asked Danny, “why the fuck would they kill Tyler? That sweet kid should still be alive!” “We’ll get them for you,” said Fangmeyer, “just hang in there and we’ll send a medevac.”

“Oh Liz,” said Danny, “glad to see you’re not dead yet.” “I’m about as alive as ever,” said Liz. “Doesn’t sound like it with that damn robot voice. Show me a friggin personality.” “We need to know where you are,” said Bogo, “your life may depend on it.”  
“I’ve been shot worse before,” said Danny, “remember those Shadow Company motherfuckers?” “All too well,” said Bogo. “Well I’m at my place,” said Danny, “I can patch myself up.” “That won’t be necessary,” said Bogo, “just tell me where you think Hopps and Wilde are.”

**Sahara Square**

“Do you hear something,” said Judy as her ears shot up, including the one that still had a piece of the top missing. “What carrots,” asked Nick, “I don’t hear anything. Nobody really comes out here after dark.” “I just thought I heard,” said Judy, who’s heart then sank as she realized it, “a couple of helicopters.”


	10. Death From Above

**Sahara Square**

Judy immediately reached for her pistol and advised Nick to do the same. “Carrots,” asked Nick nervously, “what’s really going on? Do you think it's the East Germammals?” “”Who else has a gosh darn helicopter and a deathwish for us,” replied Judy. “Can’t flip the cute switch off even in times of mortal peril, eh carrots,” teased Nick nervously. “Surely you can’t be serious,” snapped Judy. “I am serious,” said Nick as he checked his .45, “and don’t call me Shirley.”

_ Whup! Whup! Whup! Whup! _

As the sound of the helicopters got closer, to the point where they could both see the spotlights, Judy opened the car door. “Surely you can’t be serious,” said Nick as Judy prepared to jump out of the car, “there’s no cover.” “This thing is the biggest target for their guns,” replied Judy as she dropped out, “and besides, who is Shirley anyways?”

_ Whup! Whup! Whup! Whup! _

Nick followed Judy out of the car into the dunes, ducking behind some tumbleweeds. Then they turned around and watched the two grey and black camo helicopters begin circling the area. 

Nick used his naturally gifted night vision to assess the threat. He noticed that the lead one had a badger and a wolf in the cockpit, with a bear in the back operating a  _ very  _ large gun. He noticed the other one, flown by a skunk and beaver, was carrying six or seven wolves in full tactical gear. 

“Carrots,” said Nick nervously. “Yeah,” replied Judy. “I think Wiesler sent a death squad after us.”

_ Bzzzzzzzzz! Bzzzzzz! Bzzzz! _

_ Brakabrakabrakabrakabrakabrak! _

The two helicopters opened fire on Nick’s car, peppering the vehicle with bullets in hopes that Nick and Judy were still in there. “They just have to keep fucking up my car,” growled Nick, “this is just downright infuriating.” “I think they’re trying to kill us,” replied Judy. “No shit fluff,” replied Nick, “let’s kill these commie bastards first.”

“Ich nehme negative Messwerte am Auto auf ( _ I'm picking up negative readings on the car _ ),” said Wolfenstein into the radio as he observed the shot up car, “Chopper zwei, lande das Bodenteam ( _ Chopper two, land the ground team _ ).”

The second helicopter landed on the sand while the first continued to circle the area, and the squad of wolf commandos disembarked with their AK-47s ready. “Ich möchte dort unten zwei winzige Leichen sehen ( _ I want to see two tiny corpses down there _ ),” said Wolfenstein, “und wir gehen nicht, bis es fertig ist. Wolfenstein raus ( _ and we aren't leaving until it's done. Wolfenstein out _ ).”

As the wolves scanned the area with their flashlights, pointing their AKs at anything that moved. “It’s time,” whispered Judy to Nick as they both had their pistols ready and prepared to jump out. “Let’s kill these sonsofbitches before they get us,” replied Nick.

_ Bang! Bang! Bang! _

Nick shot two of the wolves, double tapping one in the shoulder and capping the one standing behind him in the head. As the other four wolves turned around, Nick ran off into the dark, and shouted out “Tag team!”

Judy somersaulted into the area, flanking them from the left. Then she leapt onto one with her Glock in paw, yanked him down by the neck and shot up at a couple other wolves, using the first as a shield before then shooting him in the neck.

_ Brakabrakabrak! _

The last wolf began firing bursts from his AK, just barely missing Nick and Judy. “You want to share this one,” asked Nick. “Sure thing honey,” replied Judy as they both aimed their pistols at the wolf. 

_ Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam! _

As the last wolf collapsed dead, the helicopter tried to take off, only for Judy to leap on board, shot the beaver and pistol whipped the skunk. “Stinks, don’t it,” she quipped to the unconscious skunk.

“Alright carrots,” shouted out Nick, “fun’s fun but we still have a goddamn  _ gunship  _ circling us!” “Right with you future hubby,” replied Judy as she leapt out of the grounded helicopter. “Don’t let it go to your head carrots,” replied Nick.

_ Blam! _

He shot the wolf in the head that he winged earlied as he tried to get up. 

“So do we have to hold the ceremony in Bunny Burrow by the way,” asked Nick as he and Judy prepared to roll down the gargantuan sand dune.

“I hate,” he coughed, “getting sand,” coughed again, “in,” cough, “my,” cough, “face!” “Quit your complaining,” replied Judy as she rolled down with him, only to see bursts of sand shoot up, due to bullets coming out of the helicopter.

They then stood up in the trough between dunes and saw the helicopter fly really low. “I can see the bastard wolf that threw us off the boat,” replied Nick as he raised his pistol and put in a fresh clip, “let me take him fluff!” “You’re insane Nick,” replied Judy, “we’ve gotta run!” “He’s gonna outrun us,” said Nick, “so I have to take the shot now.”

_ Blam! Blam! Blam! _

He fired three shots into the cockpit, killing the beaver flying the helicopter and blowing a hole in Wolfenstein’s shoulder. 

_ Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep! _

“Scheisse,” grunted Wolfenstein, “Dieser Fuchsbastard hat uns erschossen! ( _ that fox bastard shot us down! _ ).” 

The helicopter swung right, sending the bear falling out, until it crashed into one of the dunes. The blades broke one by one against the sand as they continued to spin, and an injured Mr. Wolfenstein crawled away, just barely making it out before the helicopter exploded.

**ZPD Precinct One**

“Chief,” said Clawhouser, “I got a fix on Hopps and Wilde’s location.” “Are they alive,” asked Bogo with great interest. “No reports of a dead fox or rabbit,” stated Clawhouser, “but we do have reports of several suspects using helicopters and automatic weapons to attack them.” “Sounds like our guy,” replied Bogo, “now get your fat ass in a chopper and bring them back here.”


	11. Scuttled

**Rainforest District**

On board the  _ Alba Varden  _ sat Finnick tied to a chair, guarded by the machine gun toting stag, as well as a skunk, beaver, porcupine and arctic fox hanging around the living room area. Finnick pretended to be tough around all these guys, but the one that seemed to be able to break him was this arctic hare in a black and white suit that was beating the shit out of him

_ Wham! _

“Ah,” groaned Finnick, “I don’t even know enough! Just let me go!” “That won’t be happening anytime soon mate,” said Jack Savage as he punched Finnick in the stomach. 

_ Biff! _

“Fuck you commie,” howled Finnick. “Commie eh,” retorted Savage, “do you really think I’m one of these jokers?” “Well you are hanging out with these assholes,” replied Finnick. “I’m more of a capitalist than you,” snapped Savage as he clocked Finnick in the jaw.

_ Bam! _

“I only told the cops that I laundered gold for these guys,” said Finnick, “I don’t even know any of the inner workings. I just told them about the gold and the boat! They didn’t learn anything else! Please for God’s sake, STOP NOW!”

Savage reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “Smokes,” he offered Finnick. “No thanks,” said Finnick nervously. “That’s too bad,” said Savage as he let out a puff of smoke, “I just wanted to be nice to you before I did this.”

_ Sizzle! _

Savage drove the lit cigarette butt into Finnick’s cheek, causing him to howl and bellow in pain as he felt his flesh roast.

**Sahara Square**

“So,” said Nick awkwardly as he and Judy climbed back up the dune to Nick’s car, “is the engagement still on?” “Oh, it’s way more than on,” replied Judy as she made her way up, “I’ve just been dying for you to make a move.” “Even though it got caught short by a damn airstrike,” said Nick. “I couldn’t think of a better mammal to dodge bullets with,” said Judy sweetly. 

_ Whup! Whup! Whup! _

Nick and Judy turned around almost immediately with their weapons drawn, thinking that the East Germammals sent another chopper after them, only to notice the ZPD markings on the blue and white helicopter.

“Boy are we glad to see you two down there,” said a familiar voice through the helicopter’s loudspeaker. “Clawhouser,” they both asked in unison. “‘Tis I,” said Clawhouser as he landed the helicopter. Then as the helicopter got to the ground, he exited.

“What’s going on,” asked Judy. “You haven’t been listening to the scanner have you,” said Calwhouser. “We were in the middle of something,” said Nick. “Well,” said Clawhouser, “things are really bad tonight. We have two officers dead, one wounded and a missing witness. It seems that East Germammalny has declared war on the ZPD.”

“Who’d they get,” asked Judy nervously, “anybody we know?” “Unfortunately,” said Clawhouser, “yes. Stripervich and Wolford are both KIA and McBoot is currently having a couple of bullets removed from his legs.” “What about Finnick,” asked Nick, “Danny was guarding him.” “They took him,” said Clawhouser, “probably to the boat.” “Then let’s get him,” replied Judy. “No,” said Clawhouser, “all ZPD Officers are under orders to stay away. I’m sorry Nick,” he said with regret, “your friend is as good as dead.”

“No,” said Nick. “What,” asked Judy and Clawhouser. “I said,” Nick pointed down dramatically, “Noooo! It took me ages to find any real friends in my life,” he continued, “and now that I have them, I’m ordered to turn my back on them? No way in hell am I gonna be a coward that lets a good friend of mine die when I can still save him.” “Nick,” said Judy, “this would be an act of  _ war!  _ We can’t just attack foreign diplomats!”

“What the fuck do y’all call this,” shouted Nick as he extended his arms, pointing to both the dead wolves and the wreckage of the helicopter he shot down. “They killed two good mammals, injured a good friend of mine and I’m supposed to let that go?” He took his badge out of his pocket and said, “If this is how it’s gonna be, then I’m no cop tonight.” He threw his badge into the sand and stormed off to his shot up car. 

“Nick wait,” pleaded Judy, “don’t do this! I don’t want you to get yourself killed!” “If it keeps them from getting to you,” replied Nick, “then it’s worth it.” “Please Nick,” begged Judy, “I need you! I can’t let you do this! I can’t live without you!” “Where’s your sense of bravery, huh,” replied Nick as he dragged a duffle bag out of his trunk, “I remember you as the brave,” he continued, “stupid, but brave bunny that dragged me all over town for one of the most crucial cases in this city’s history, holding me hostage with a goddamn novelty pen. Where’s that version of Judy? It’s a little too soon to be getting domesticated on me.”

_ Click-Clack! _

Nick revealed the MP5K submachine gun that he kept from the Shadow Company case. “I am going to save Finnick and stop Wiesler from leaving the country if it’s the last thing I do,” said Nick, “and I’ll make sure to be back in Bunny Burrow in time for the wedding! You coming with me or not?”

“Alright enough,” barked Clawhouser, which was rare as the usually mellow cheetah was hardly ever forceful, “it has been a bad night for the ZPD, I get it! But will you both calm the fuck down and tell me what the fuck is going on right now?”

“Before the helicopters,” said Judy, “Nick,” she paused, “well, uh,” she finally said it, “decided to propose. And I really,” she began to cry, “I was really eager for this moment. But now he wants to,” she paused as she bent over crying, “I don’t want to lose him now! I love him more than any other mammal ever! And now he wants to go get himself killed! Don’t leave me Nick!”

Judy felt someone gently lifting her up by the shoulder. She wiped her eyes and turned around to see Nick with a much calmer, more sympathetic look on his face. “Carrots,” said Nick, “is that really how you feel?” Judy nodded yes, then buried her face in his chest. “I thought so,” commented Nick as he wrapped his arms around her. “I know you're scared,” said Nick, “we all are right now. But I can’t just let my friend die without doing something about it. I’ve walked out on enough mammals in my lifetime and I’m not about to start with you,” he paused, “but I can’t be responsible for an old friend’s death. You’d be better off coming with me if that’s how you feel.” 

“Alright,” mumbled Judy, “I’ll go on another rogue op with you. But please,” she pushed her face out, “be careful.” “Don’t worry carrots,” said Nick, “pretty soon, you won’t be able to get rid of me.”

**Rainforest District**

“So are you two planning on having kids,” asked Clawhouser as he, Nick and Judy sat in the squad car in front of where the  _ Alba Varden  _ was docked. “Well,” said Nick, “seeing as carrots and I have made passionate love about a dozen times and she hasn’t been knocked up yet,” he paused, “I have no fucking idea.” “Well,” added Judy, “rabbits are good at multiplying. Maybe we’ll get lucky soon?” 

Nick’s eyes shot open at the realization. Judy told Nick that she had 274 siblings, which he assumed was a joke until he actually went to Bunny Burrow for the first time. He remembered getting swarmed by a damn tsunami of fluff and it scared the shit out of him. The thought of him having that many kids was terrifying.

“Are you okay Nick,” asked Judy. “What, huh,” Nick snapped out of it, “what are we talking about?” “I bet you two are going to be so happy together,” said Clawhouser cheerfully, “when can I tell everyone at the precinct.” “Not now dammit,” snapped Nick. “He’s thinking about it,” said Judy matter of factly.

“Gear up,” said Nick as he checked his .45, “we still have a hostage to save and some bad guys to kill.” Judy took the MAC-10, which brought back memories, as well as her service pistol. “Where did we get a rocket launcher again,” asked Clawhouser as he picked up the RPG-7. “Found it on one of the choppers,” replied Nick, “now remember your part of the plan.” “Okay slick,” said Judy as she opened her door, “fun’s fun, but let’s try not to get hurt.” “Oh my precious carrot cake,” said Nick as he climbed out, equipped with his .45, a .38 revolver as a backup sidearm, the MP5K and a sawed off shotgun, “you should be way more worried about the other guys.”

Back on board the yacht, Savage was just about finished with Finnick. “So you talk to the cops but don’t talk to me,” said Savage, “that’s just sad. And you really think your scumbag friend is gonna save your ass. His guts are spewed across the sand as we speak.”

_ Choom! _

_ Crash! _

“Yippee ki yay motherfuckers,” screamed Nick as he and Judy swung on board the yacht on a vine. They landed on the deck, each armed with submachine guns drawn on Savage and the East Germammals. “Fools,” said Savage as he drew his machine pistol, “you could have walked out of this alive.” “You aren’t killing my friend,” barked Nick. 

_ Brakabrakabrakabrakabrak! _

The stag fired his machine gun, only to quickly get cut down by Nick and Judy.

_ Brakabrakabrakabrakabrakabrak! _

The other animals on board fired their pistols, with Nick taking out the beaver and the porcupine. Then Judy took a pair of bolt cutters and freed Finnick, only to get kicked from behind.

“Nice to finally meet you ma’am,” said the british accented arctic hare, “I’m Jack Savage by the way.” “Wish I could say the same,” said Judy as she did a retaliatory kick. “Damnit,” muttered Nick, “we gotta get Finnick and go now!” “You grab him,” said Judy, “I can take this guy!” “I am not doing this again carrots, we are leaving!”

“How rude it is,” said Savage as he posed ready to strike with the badger and the arctic fox standing at his side, “for our guests to leave so early.” “And it’s too bad the crew here has to go down with the ship,” replied Nick. Then there was awkward silence for about three seconds.

“Isn’t something supposed to happen,” asked Judy. “I said  _ go down with the ship _ ,” said Nick again with a touch of attitude.

_ Fwoosh! _

_ Boom! _

Clawhouser fired the RPG from on the dock, blowing a hole in the bow of the yacht. “Hope you boys can swim,” said Judy as she, Nick and Finnick made their way to the exit. “I also here that there’s bull sharks in the canal this time of night,” said Nick, “so swim fast.” “This isn’t over,” shouted Savage as his enemies escaped. 


	12. Flight Canceled

**Rainforest District**

“Alright Finnick,” said Judy, “this is where we split up.” “Split up,” asked Finnick, “Split up? But I’m practically part of the team! Just give me a gun and I’ll be ready to go!” “No,” said Nick, Judy and Clawhouser in unison. 

“Finnick,” said Judy, “we need you to go back to the station where you’ll be safe until we can get the feds to pick you up.” “I’m not going with the G-Mammals,” griped Finnick, “c’mon ol’ pal,” he looked at Nick, “vouch for me.” “We’re not taking you with us,” said Nick, “now get in the helicopter with Benji and he’ll get you there safely.” 

“Alright,” groaned Finnnick, “I’ll go with the fat bastard to the station.” “Ouch,” muttered Clawhouser, “that actually hurt a little.” “Just go Finnick,” said Nick, “you’re not safe out here anyways.” 

Finnick sighed and went with Clawhouser onto the police helicopter. As Clawhouser lifted off, Nick and Judy waved goodbye and climbed into the police cruiser that had been requisitioned for them, and Judy drove to the outskirts of Zootopia.

“Word’s in from the Air Traffic Control that a Sibearian made East Germammal military cargo plane just landed on a private air strip in the pastures,” said Judy. “How’d you get that kind of intel, carrots,” asked Nick. “I asked Bogo nicely while you where planning your little hostage rescue,” replied Judy, “and this may very well be our last case, so he was eager to help us.” 

“We’re fired,” asked Nick, “why? I thought Bogo and company worked their asses off to keep us on the payroll.” “He did honey,” said Judy, “but this Mayor Wayne guy seems to have it out for us,” she continued, “being what he likes to call outlaw cops. And we are going on another one of those rogue missions that we were warned specifically against.” “We still can’t let Wiesler get away,” said Nick, “not with two good cops dead on his orders.” 

**The Outskirts**

Frederich Wiesler watched as pallets of cash were loaded onto the cargo plane via forklift, with several of his personal staff, including a bandaged but very much in shape Mr. Wolfenstein, Jack Savage, and a couple of wolf soldiers. “Work quickly,” commanded Wiesler, “we got to get this plane out of United Mammalian States airspace before they shoot it down.” 

Just outside the fence, Nick and Judy watched the obscene amounts of drug money being loaded as they checked their weapons. “How are we gonna do this carrots,” asked Nick, “I came up with the last plan and I can’t think of another one,” he continued, “especially if it involves taking down a plane that big.” “Maybe we can just take out the pilots,” said Judy, “then they aren’t going anywhere.” “Wiesler’s too smart for that,” said Nick, “we have to immobilize the plane and just maybe,” he heavily emphasized the next part, “just maybe once the feds figure it out, there’ll be a squadron of MDF jets to keep him from taking off.” “So we’re just making it up as we go along,” said Judy as she put a clip in the MAC-10, “huh slick.” “You bet,” said Nick, “now let’s give this thing plenty of gas when we barge in.”

Wiesler, Wolfenstein, Savage and the pig just finished loading the Purcedes sedan onto the plane, when they heard the loud roar of an engine and a police siren. Then they turned around and saw a police car going full speed ahead towards the plane. “Get off, NOW!”

_ Boom! _

The car exploded, taking out a wing of the cargo plane and sending banknotes flying all over the tarmac. Wiesler, Wolfenstein, Savage and company watched as all of the capital that made up years of painstaking work get thrown around into the fire. “Our money,” said Wiesler, “just make sure they’re dead.”

_ Brakabrakbrakabrak! _

Wolfenstein, the pig, a brown bear, a stag and two wolf soldiers opened fire on the wreckage with their AK-47s and MP40s. Hiding in the bushes just behind the fence, Nick and Judy fot their submachineguns ready. “We doing this carrots,” asked Nick nervously. “Now or never slick,” said Judy as she took off towards the tarmac, spraying bullets at the East Germammals as she ran, with Nick closely following her.

“Game’s up Wiesler,” shouted Judy as she cut down the pig and one of the soldiers. “Kill those two,” ordered Wiesler as he took off. Wolfenstein grinned as he, the brown bear, the stag and the other wolf soldier sprayed their guns in Nick’s direction, foring him to dive behind a forklift. “Shit,” muttered Nick as he reloaded his MP5K, “these bastards don’t know when to quit.” 

Meanwhile, Judy found herself trapped in an airplane hangar with Savage, an arctic fox, a badger and a skunk. “You’re such a pretty little thing,” said Savage to Judy condescendingly as he took out his machine pistol, cueing the other three mammals to draw their pistols, “damn shame I’ll have to kill you. You’re just my type.” 

_ Thakathakathakathakathakathak! _

Judy dodged the bullets by leaping sideways, firing her gun and killing the badger. “I’d hate to break it to you,” said Judy as she crawled sideways behind a crate before firing again, winging the skunk, “but I have a boyfriend.” Just then, she felt two mammals grab her and throw her face down onto the concrete. “That is too bad,” said Savage as he kicked her in the side. 

Savage and the fox circled around Judy, each taking turns striking her, with Judy using her forearm to block the blows. That changed when the arctic fox got smart and wrapped his tail around Judy. “You piece of work,” shouted Judy as she hit the ground, “I’m gonna kill you myself!”

Nick was not having much better luck, as he was hiding amongst some parked cars while Wolfenstein, the stag and the soldier kept shooting, each reloading at separate times . “I can’t catch a break with these guys,” groaned Nick, “they’re too smart.” “Give up now,” barked Wolfenstein, “and your death will be easy!”

Without thinking, Nick screamed “I choose LIFE!” as he darted from behind his cover and angrily spewed bullets from his submachine gun, killing the stag and the soldier and wounding Wolfenstein before he ran out of ammo. Then he took out his pistol and trained it on Wolfenstein as he crawled away.

_ Bang! _

One shot hit Wolfenstein in the leg.

_ Bang! _

“This is for the kid!”

_ Bang! _

“This is for Jason!”

_ Bang! _

Wolfenstein howled in pain as the bullet tore through an artery.

_ Bang! _

“You son of a bitch!”

_ Bang! _

Wolfenstein whimpered as he crawled away, leaving a trail of blood. Only for Nick to walk up next to his face with his gun ready.

_ Bang! Bang! _

“You’ve hurt enough mammals,” said Nick as he dropped the empty clip and put in a fresh one, only for his ears to pick up on  _ something _ .

_ Biff! Biff! _

Savage took two swings at Judy, first the stomach then the jaw, disorienting her and sending her backwards. Then, the arctic fox tried to claw her, only for the rabbit to kick him with all her might, breaking several ribs in the process. Judy tried to get up, but Savage kept circling around her, repeatedly kicking her. “Say your prayers bunny doll,” said Jack as he prepared to do a killing blow to the neck.

“Raaaaaahhhh,” a loud,  _ bestial  _ growl echoed through the hangar, sending both the rabbit’s ears jerking up. A split second later, Judy saw a red blur push Savage away from her and onto the ground.  _ Nick,  _ thought Judy,  _ is that you? _

“Touch my mate,” growled a bestial Nick as he clawed a pinned down Savage, “I’ll kill you!” “What the fuck are you on,” asked Savage as Nick continued to beat him. “Judy is miiiine,” he barked at Savage, “I protect her!” Just then, Savage smirked as he reached into his pocket and said, “You can’t do that when you’re dead.”

_ “Yip!” _

Nick whimpered as he collapsed sideways with a knife in his abdomen. Judy saw Nick lying there in horror, then looked at Savage and decided to catch him off guard. She then noticed a power transformer on the ground level.

She darted towards Savage a lightning speed, grabbing him by the center mass and hurled him into the power transformer, frying the assassin before he had time to scream. Savage exploded into a blue flash of energy, then turned into a roasted, steaming corpse. “Real shocker there,” commented Judy as she saw Savage’s charred remains collapse facedown onto the concrete.

“Nick,” said Judy to herself as she realized what had happened. She ran towards Nick, still seeing the knife inside him. “Nick, please,” she turned him facing up, “don’t die on me!” “Behind you, carrots,” grunted Nick as he pointed towards the massive hangar doors.

_ Bang! Bang! Bang! _

Judy turned around with a jerk to see the old weasel holding an antique Luger pistol with smoke coming out of the barrel. Then Wiesler took out his ID and smuggly stated, “Diplomatic Immunity!”

_ Blam! Blam! _

“It’s just been revoked,” said Judy after she shot down Wiesler.

“We got him fluff,” grunted Nick, “him and all his friends.” “Nick,” said Judy as he turned back to her injured fox, “please don’t die on me,” she held his body in her knee, “I neeed you! You don’t get to die on me! I love you too much to lose you now!”

“Such an emotional,” Nick was interrupted by a cough, “bunny. You’ve always been a real sweetheart.” “But,” whimpered Judy, “but I don’t want to lose you!” “As much as I like this treatment,” said Nick, “I don’t plan on going anywhere. That little bastard just barely missed something important. I still have plans with you.” 

“That’s right you slimy fox,” said Judy as she kissed Nick, “you still do!”


	13. Partners For Life

**Bunny Burrow, five months later**

“Why the fuck did I agree to this,” said Nick as he stood before the altar with Danny, Clawhouser and Finnick standing right behind him. “Well you did ask her,” said Finnick, “you had your chance to opt out by dying and you blew it.” “Way to make me feel better,” quipped Nick. “How’d you get the rings anyways,” asked Clawhouser with deep interest, “I could’ve given you a few pointers on that.”

**Happytown, four months beforehand**

Nick walked into the abandoned factory where Finnick set up his workshop for the East Germammals, holding a  _ very  _ heavy object in his pocket. “Hey Nicky Boy,” called out Finnick as he noticed his old friend walking in, “glad to see you again. Thanks for keeping my ass safe.” “No problem buddy,” said Nick, “that’s just what we do at the ZPD.” “You even sound like her now,” taunted Finnick. “Do not,” snapped back Nick. 

“Whatever WIldeHopps,” said Finnick, “so what brings you down here?” “I need your help,” said Nick, “I gotta get Judy a ring and I just can’t seem to afford a decent one.” “What makes you think I know anything about jewelry,” asked Finnick. “You still have that metalworking equipment,” asked Nick, “right?” “Why don’t you tell me what’s in your pocket before anything else,” said Finnick.

Nick sighed, then he walked up to a table in between the two of them, where he pulled the object out of his pocket and set it down as gently as he could. “Is that what I think that is,” asked Finnick. “Look,” said Nick, “the ZPD’s done with this case. So can you do me a solid and help me get carrots a ring?” “Well,” said Finnick as he looked at the  _ goddamn Nazi gold bar _ , “the customer is always right. But you’ll still have to tell her someday, and I’m not gonna be there when you do.”

**Bunny Burrow, present time**

“Not one word Benji,” snapped Nick. “Wow Nick,” muttered Clawhouser, “I knew you were sorta ghetto, but damn!” “This is the most fucked up wedding I’ve ever been to,” said Danny, “did you seriously use the gold  _ from the case  _ to make you and Judy your damn wedding rings? That is some messed up shit there.” “Just don’t talk about it,” snapped Nick.

Just then, it was time for Judy to walk in, wearing her lavish, white gown, with Nick standing as still as he possibly could while panting nervously.  _ Goddamnit carrots,  _ thought Nick,  _ just don’t let me fuck this up. _

Judy got into her place, noticing all the mammals standing behind Nick with weird looks on their faces. “What did you do to them,” asked Judy concernedly. “Nothing,” said Nick on autopilot. “Niiick!”

“Alright,” said Nick, “so I told them one of my hustler stories.” “One big time hustle too,” added Finnick. “Shut the fuck up you cretin,” snapped Nick. “This isn’t some huge practical joke at my expense,” asked Judy, “is it?” “What, huh,” Nick lost his place, “oh, no. No it isn’t.” “Good,” said Judy, “because I’ve still got that little recording on the pen.” 

“Do not,” said Nick. “Do to,” said Judy. “I pay my taxes now,” said Nick defensively. “Who said anything about taxes,” teased Judy. “You sly bunny,” said Nick. “Dumb fox,” said Judy.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bear witness to the union of,” droned on the rabbit minister. “I like the ring by the way,” whispered Judy, “where’d you get it?” “It’s pawcrafted,” replied Nick, “I got some help from my buddy Finnick.” “That’s so sweet,” blushed Judy, “but wait a second? Where’d you get the gold?” 

_ Oh shit,  _ thought Nick. “While nobody’s paying attention,” said Judy, “I’m going to ask you very carefully, where did you get the gold? Don’t you dare lie to me!” “I sorta, uh,” Nick knew he was busted as he tried to think of a way to play it off, “I requisitioned it from the ZPD Evidence Room as it is no longer part of an active investigation, and,” Nick nervously answered. “Cut the crap and tell me the truth,” snapped Judy, “did this come from where I think it did?”

“Sorry fluff,” said Nick, “I’m still at least a little ghetto.” Judy did a facepalm at the realization that her wedding ring was made from smelted down Nazi gold. One thing she knew for certain was that she was in for a very awkward wedding night.

“Ahem,” said the minister, “we got to the vows while you two were arguing over something idiotic.” “Right,” said Nick and Judy in unison awkwardly. “Get on with it,” whispered Danny over Nick’s shoulder, “there’s supposed to be an open bar at the reception and I’m thirsty damnit!” “Don’t rush them,” said Clawhouser to Danny, “let’s enjoy the moment here.” “Can we just calm down and move on with it,” pleaded Nick.

“I couldn’t agree more,” said the minister as he began reading off the vows, “do you, Judith Laverne Hopps agree to take this fox as your lawfully wedded husband. To honor, obey and love this fox in sickness and health ‘till death does you part.” Judy looked at Nick and forgot about the gold as she couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy inside. She smiled and said “I do.”

“Good,” said the minister, “now as for you,” he turned to Nick, “do you, Nicholas Piberious Wilde take this rabbit as your lawfully wedded wife, blah blah blah, till death does you part?” “Is this a multiple choice question,” asked Nick jokingly, only for Judy to shoot him a death glare. “Be serious for  _ once _ ,” said Judy. “And you still haven’t learned when to lighten up carrots,” said Nick, “would’ve thought some of it would’ve rubbed off on you by now.” “Do you agree or not,” barked the minister, “Mister Wilde?” “Yeah,” he then looked into Judy’s eyes, this time sincerely, “I do more than anything.” 

“Good,” said the minister as he slammed the bible shut, “then by the power invested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” “‘bout time,” said Nick as he grabbed Judy and kissed her.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I oughta say Nick,” said a drunk Stu Hopps, “when I first met you, I wanted to chop your smiling head off with a machete.” “Thank you,” said Nick nervously, “for not murdering me.” “Dad, please,” said Judy, “don’t go there.” “I also heard some rumor about Nick making the rings out of some nazi gold or some shit like that,” continued Stu as he patted Nick on the shoulder, “at least I know that’s not true because that’s low for even a fox. Hahaha!” “Yes,” muttered a wide eyed Nick, “low.” 

“Anyhow,” added Bonnie, “now that we finally got to know you,” she extended a paw to Nick, “we’re glad to have you as a part of the family. Hope you treat our daughter well.” “Because if you hurt her,” added Stu, “I’ll blow your fuckin head off with a shotgun.” “Dad, stop,” said Judy, “please don’t scare him now.” “It’s just a friendly conversation,” said Stu. “Right,” agreed Nick nervously, “friendly.”  _ Save me carrots,  _ said Nick’s eyes.

“Anyhow,” said Judy as she grabbed Nick and got up, “I’m just going to take my fox here and we’re going to have to sign off on a couple things. It was nice talking to you though.” “Don’t have too much fun tonight,” said Stu, “Jude the Dude.”

“Thanks,” said Nick as Judy dragged him away from the table, “you just saved my ass.” “We’re still not done talking about the gold,” said Judy. “Does this mean no beddy-bye fun time tonight,” asked Nick sarcastically. “Of course it doesn’t,” said Judy, “I’m young, in love and very horny tonight. I’m getting a piece of you.” “So what’s my punishment,” asked Nick. “I’ll think of something,” said Judy.

A chubby fox stood behind one of the food tables, waiting for Nick and Judy. “Hey Gideon,” said Judy, “thanks for helping out with the catering on such short notice.” “Anything for an old friend,” said Gideon Grey. “So is this the lucky guy,” he looked at Nick. “You could say that,” said Nick. “That explains why she’s had that smell for the last year,” said Gideon. 

“You know him,” asked Nick to Judy. “Well,” said Judy, “we were childhood friends, of sorts.” “The guy was an asshole growing up, wasn’t he,” interrupted Nick. “Ouch,” said Gideon, “that was a little below the belt. Correct,” he continued, “but below the belt.” “How’d you know,” asked Judy. “When you become an expert liar,” said Nick, “you see right through bullshit.” 

“Okay,” said Judy, “so Gideon Grey was my childhood bully. He clawed me once when I was nine.” “Is that what you meant by, ‘I’ve been clawed before’,” asked Nick. “Yes,” said Judy, “but we’re all over it now.” “These days I work with the Hopps’s,” said Gideon, “they’re one of my principal suppliers for my bakery.” 

“So how did you two meet anyways,” asked Gideon. “He scammed me,” said Judy as she pointed at Nick. “I thought you were a cop,” asked Gideon confusedly. “I am now,” said Nick, “but beforehand, I was running a pawpsicle hustle with a buddy of mine,” he then grabbed Judy by the shoulder and laughed, “you should have seen her, the adorable little idealist ate the whole thing up.”

“But then the cute little bunny managed to take you hostage with this pen,” said Judy as she took out the carrot pen. “Remember,” taunted Judy, “it’s called a hustle, sweetheart? Then I dragged you all over Zootopia to help solve a case.” “Of course I remember,” said Nick, “and we busted two mayors and our third one probably hates us by now. Probably because we’re messy.”

“So this is what true love looks like,” said Gideon, “I’ll be damned if I ever get that lucky, but you still need to sign the bill.” “Fine,” groaned Nick as he took the pen out of Judy’s paws and held it over the invoice, “I’ll sign the damn thing myself.” He meant to click the pen open, but accidentally pressed the playback button.

“ _ Then I want to tear you out of that dress, spank you, drive my dick up your fluffy ass then you can sit on my face. _ ”

Nick felt himself dying on the inside of embarrassment. (End Credits Song:  _ More than a Feeling  _ by Boston)


End file.
